The Emotional Side Of Rough Sex

By The Frisky. Posted on Aug 31st 2009.

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For me, playing rough is also a way to depart from my everyday "I've got it all together" façade, because it truly is a façade. Half the time, I feel like I'm barely making it through the day, a panic attack waiting to happen. When we go there, into the very intense world of rough sex, there is no pretense that I am holding anything together. I'm not, on some level—I'm letting him run the show, even though I sometimes make requests ("hit me harder, pinch my nipples," or move his hands toward my throat). He is (and I mean this as a compliment, I really do) a sensitive, sweet guy. I wouldn't say shy, but certainly not macho or caddish. Yet when we engage this way, he becomes someone tougher, meaner, fiercer. Knowing that deep down he's a good guy makes that transformation really hot for me. I don’t think I'd be into playing that way with a guy who thought he was God's gift to women—or one who thought that all men are meant to dominate all women (I've met kinky guys like that and they’re horrible). The Frisky: The comedy of online dating in an original video series

To me, the only truly "dangerous" part about it is that every time we do it, I want to go further. Rough sex takes me into a heightened state where it feels like anything can happen. I usually end up with tears in my eyes, but they are tears of intensity, pleasure, arousal, excitement, fear, uncertainty and submission, all rolled into one, like when you're moved by a piece of art and can't let your emotions out any other way.

Written by Rachel Kramer Bussel for The Frisky.