Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Have You Dated These Toxic Singles?

Buzz, Sex

 

When it comes to dating, there are specific types of men and women that we know we should avoid. Well, most people know to avoid them. Others, actually many, of us don't see the warning signs until it's too late.  They are what we refer to as "that" guy or girl. You know, "He was
bragging about how he loves to go down on women. He was 'that guy.' "
 
Are you or have you ever dated any of these people?
 
The Know It All - They challenge everything you
have to say. They can pull out facts and figures and data and
statistics that you haven't a clue whether are true or not. They always
magically have a friend that's somehow connected to the topic whom they
use to support their argument. As in, "No, it's true. My friend worked
there for a year and said he saw them do it." They always have to have
the last word to the point where you don't bother saying anything
because you know they aren't listening to you.
 
The Chandler Bing - They're always a little too
self-deprecating or tell one too many jokes. They make fun of
themselves and publicize their neurotic tendencies because they think
it makes them endearing. really, it just makes them appear insecure.
The female version usually points out what they perceive are their
physical flaws and joke about how they are perpetually single. What
they're really doing, and are totally unaware of it, is trying to push
people away and not look too close. They think by airing their own
flaws and making them public, nobody will feel compelled to look
deeper. That way people won't see how truly fucked up they are.
 
The Sex Machine - We've all met this "that
guy/girl."  They make sexually provocative comments that they KNOW are
sexually provocative, then act all demure and say it's us with the
dirty mind. They brag about how sexually confident they are, they bring
up sexual topics thinking it makes them sound provocative or intriguing
hoping for a response from someone. The signal they're really sending
is that they are completely emotionally stunted and they know it, so
they use sex to distract. Then when they let their crazy flag fly, they
hope the person will be invested enough to over look it. They crave
intimacy badly to the point of feeling so lonely and alienated that
they want to rush the relationship from first date to commitment in one
night. They want to skip all the messy and hard stuff. They want to be
accepted and loved and cared for an touched. They want intimacy but
they're too afraid to take things slow because they fear someone will
see their flaws and flee. And they think that because that's exactly
what has happened in the past. Almost every time.
 
The Ball Buster - I saw an example of this on Dating In The Dark
last night. The guy just continued to give this girl a hard time by
being sarcastic and dismissive. Of course, this is done to keep the
other person on their toes and on the defensive. The people who do this
are people who are terrified of being vulnerable and getting hurt. They
want their date to walk on eggshells and never be able to predict their
next move. You can't hit a moving target, as they say. They are trying
to keep the other person at arm's length. Again, this is partly due to
being uncomfortable with being vulnerable as well as being afraid of
letting someone really see them for who they are. They take it one step
too far to the point where you just get tired of listening to them and
it's no longer funny. If you haven't noticed, there's a trend here.
 
The Opera Singer - Me, me, me,me,me,me,me,me. Get
it? Opera, vocal techniques? Me me...okay. Fine. They interrupt you,
they turn every conversation back to them. The only time they ever
really ask you a question is when they know your answer will allow them
to go off on a tangent about their personal views. I once said on a
date that I believed everything happens for a reason. My date
immediately said, in a pointed tone, "You don't really believe that, do
you?" Meanwhile, that's really one of the first questions he actually
asked me and one of the few times he didn't burst in to my comment with
his own opinion. Oh, yay! Now I can sit and listen to him talk about
how faith in God is bunk. Awesome. Waiter? Another Cosmo, please. Here's
something I've noticed about The Opera Singers: More often than not,
they are only children. Only children who never learned that the world
didn't revolve around them are not great matches for someone who was
the youngest of five daughters. We come with out own baggage. One piece
of which is that we HATE being interrupted or talked over as if our
opinions don't count.
 
 
Anyone else have any types of "that" guy or girl?
 
 
 
 
 
 
Author
Contributor

Explore YourTango