So You Want To Ask Him Out? Read On

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So You Want To Ask Him Out? Read On
Name: bellavita | | Location: Chicago , IL |Question: I'm sure  most of
(single) girls have seen (or read) "He's Just Not That Into You".  I'm wondering
what's your take on that?  I mean, seriously - we (read: women) should not ask a
guy on a date?  Don't get me wrong - I'm all about guy's taking charge and all
-- but sometimes they are (genuinely) shy! What's our "limit" in showing guys
that we're interested in them? (if there's a limit ...) |Age: 35
 
 
He's Just Not That Into You, in my opinion, was a great book. The
only problem I had with it didn't really have anything to do with the advice,
but rather how women interpreted it. Sometimes, especially if you keep hitting
the same wall over and over again, it's not that HJNIY. It's that he could have
been had you not blown it. Women used this HJNTIY as a mantra of sorts to place
the blame on the men when some of the blame fit squarely on their own
shoulders.
 
That being said, in this post-Samantha Jones world of being a single woman,
the thing to remember is this:

We are not men, so stop trying to date like one. You can adapt their
behavior, but understand that you're still a woman. Which means, if you're
someone who overanalyzes everything or needs immediate validation or
confirmation he's interested, then making the first move may not be for
you.
 
It's Great to Take The Initiative...To a Point
Women like the idea of taking control of their love lives. Like I've said
in the past...I don't advocate a woman asking a man out. I think it disrupts all
kinds of power balances and throws off the expectations. Do it once, and he'll
assume (because men are easily conditioned) that you'll take initiative again.
"Well, if she likes me, she'll call me." "Well if she has something to say,
she'll say it." If you do ask a guy out, and things look to be heading to date
number 2, then be sure to tell him that you'll expect to hear from him about
date number 2.
 
Learn The Difference Between "Too Shy" and "Not
Interested."
I think both men and women are guilty of seeing what they want to see and
not what's actually in front of them. Especially when we're smitten. Someone who
is shy will be more likely to convey their interest non-verbally. Interest is
interest. Our bodies do what our brains tell them to do. Somebody who's
attracted to you, regardless of how shy they are, will still manage to display a
number of non-verbal cues. They'll hold your gaze longer, they're body language
will mirror yours to some degree. They'll blush or look down a lot. They'll nod
emphatically at things you say or ask follow up questions. Their body will turn
towards yours. They'll touch you slightly. If you feel you have to work too hard
or if you find yourself questioning whether someone returns your interest, they
likely don't. If you truly believe they're interested, but just too shy, suggest
you and he/she meet up again and offer them your number. Guys, if you get this
cue ASK FOR HER NUMBER. If you don't she'll think you're not interested.
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