this is my first

this is my first

i stumbled upon this since i frequently log on to relationship forums and such. i've been in this terrible love-related phrase called unrequited love. it's been with a friend of mine since high school. i've had a small crush on her earlier in our friendship but drew away from it a bit. as time passed me and her shared the same friends, we flirted back and forth, and had here and there conversations on the phone. let alone also talking at school. it wasn't until last summer where my spark for her hit me again. that never really happens to me. i never really get a relapse with someone i liked. but anyways ever since last year, we started to hang out just the two of us alone.

which then, within several months and so on..when we hung out, i kind of showed some gestures that i was interested in her. in example, i'd play her songs on guitar(songs she knew and favored of somesort), wrote her notes, and was being an up most gentlemen. always opened doors and even surprised her on valentines day. as the months passed and may pulled forward, i was in decision whether to actually ask her out on a date (legitimately).

talking to her friend, she told me it was unwise to do so, but me being stubborn with it, i got it out of her. that she started to see someone. ever since late may i've been hurting. in the beginning, i stayed in bed all the time, neglected 3 meals a day and just got tired of seeing my friends (we share the same friends). i kept to myself and shut her out of my life for a while. but seeing her around this past summer was truly inevitable. i didn't want to make things weird, or show her i was hurting but i truly was. so of course i did what i could and tried my best to be whatever with it (was HORRIBLE, obviously i showed weakness pathetically). but i figured i would rather want her in my life than not. i actually told her last week (we hung out cause i proposed to hang out when i greeted her a happy bday several weeks before).

the thing is, i still like her. and when the pain died a bit, it feels like it's reoccurring. i know im being stubborn about it but i should let her go, but for me it's hard. i came a long way with her and known her for so long that this little bump on the road shouldn't make me give up. i figure why she hasn't said anything to me about the whole bf spiel is cause she doesn't know how to tell me or thinks i don't know about it. idk
i'm wondering if anyone out there has had this feeling with someone close, and not only that, but how long did it take to move on out this feeling.



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