This book will answer many of your questions about divorce.
Interesting fact: there are more than 1 million divorces in the US each year, 70% of which are initiated by a woman.
So begins What Your Divorce Lawyer May Not Tell You: 125 Questions Every Woman Should Ask, a new book by Mary Rubin. Rubin is a divorcee and the founder of DivorceSource, "the country's first consulting firm specializing in the practical issues of divorce."
She started her business after her messy, four-year divorce form one of NYC's top divorce lawyers. She was going up against a man who made a living off of ending people's marriages, so Rubin ended up taking a very active roll in her split, making sure her own attorney didn't miss a thing. She decided that there weren't enough resources for women going through divorce, so she set out to change that.
The book is divided into seven chapters with names like, "How Do I Hire A Lawyer?" and, "What Happens In The Courtroom?" Each chapter has a short intro and is organized by questions and answers.
The advice is about the practical, not emotional side of a divorce, and looks like a good resource for women who are in the early-to-mid stages of split. It won't answer all your questions but it will give you an understanding of how the divorce process works and will probably help you decide how to move forward.
Some interesting pieces:
1. Rubin doesn't recommend marriage counseling while you're investigating your divorce options. "It might sound a bit harsh, but in my experience, by the time people get to the counseling stage, problems have been festering for years and years. In fact, many professionals say that once the seed of divorce is planted in the mind, it can take as long as six years to blossom."Could Couples Therapy Really Save Us?
2. She does recommend mediation, in which you both hire lawyers but stay out of the court system. It's often faster and thus less expensive, and it allows you and your spouse to work together to figure out your agreement instead of becoming opponents.
3. Rubin advises against telling your husband you're going to file for divorce. In some cases it makes sense, but in general telling him "could be devastating for your financial and emotional well-being."