How I Became 'Just A Piece Of Meat'
One divorcée recounts how she ended up "serving her body like a plate of chicken."
Snapshot: I was three months pregnant with my first child. I was on my knees in front of the toilet bowl, having just thrown up for the sixth time that day. Suddenly, movement at the bathroom door caught my eye.
He was standing there. Naked. Touching himself.
"Are you done yet?" he asked impatiently. "C'mon baby—let's get it on." Read: Having A Baby Improved My Sex Life
My stomach lurched. Tears filled my eyes. "I'll be there in second," I replied looking down. I pulled myself up off the floor, brushed my teeth and proceeded to our bedroom to fulfill my 'wifely duty.'
That pivotal event haunted me for the rest of my seven-year marriage. Anger surged towards him: How dare he expect sex when I'm obviously sick as a dog from carrying his child? Then, anger surged towards me: Why don't you just damn well say 'no'?
But then the excuses and placations settled in: "Don't be so selfish Delaine. You know sex is very important to him. You should feel lucky that he desires you much, even when you're at you're worst. It's not his fault you have morning sickness." Read: Does A Marriage Ever Recover From Lack Of Sex?
From that day forward, I didn't just 'tolerate' having sex with my ex-husband, I hated it. But it was my best kept secret. I thought there was something 'wrong with me,' like he accused. If I ever said no, he retaliated by ignoring me, barking at me, being grumpy. I hated the tension, I hated the disconnect. So I made a choice: to give in.
Smiling, pretending, I chose to stuff my feelings inside me and serve him my body like a plate of chicken. Read: Why You Shouldn't Fake An Orgasm
I thought it was such a small price to pay to keep him happy. Afterwards, I'd literally find him whistling around the house and more than willing to help out with chores. There are more important things in a marriage than sex, I told myself. You need to be grateful for the many other blessings of your life. For yes, my ex was indeed a good man.
Read the rest of this post at First Wives World.
—Written by Delaine Moore for First Wives World
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• Reclaim Your Power After Your Divorce
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Discussion
sex is a little bit of everthing no matter if u R married or NOT
the slightest thing can turn it OFF just has much as turning it ON!!!!!
IF U R Reelly INTO SEX try somethings{i am Not Speaking of Oral Sex}
that U feel that R BELOW OR ABOVE Your ideas~views~fantasies
"""WARNING~the slightest thing can turn it OFF just has much as turning it ON!!!~"""
I understand not wanting to have sex when you're sick and pregnant. And really no real man is going to ask you to do it then either.
However, unless you're ill, as a wife you should have sex with your man every day. Because pretty soon, only having sex when YOU want it turns into never having sex. And don't you think only having sex when YOU want it is as selfish and cold on your part as having sex every single time HE wants it is on his?
So women, to keep your man happy, you need to offer yourselves up every day. So long as there's nothing physically prohibiting you, it is your duty. There would be fewer divorces if women would stop being such frigid bitches. Do it even if it's the last thing you want to do at that moment. It might just save your marriage.
As a man, I can't stand it when my partners agree to having sex with me when they don't feel like it as though it were some duty they have to perform to keep me around. That isn't what I enjoy about sex.
I can feel right away when my partner isn't in the mood. In truth, it angers me. I get upset because I don't demand sex, I don't expect it, and I find no pleasure in it when my partner isn't right there with me fully into the moment of it. It doesn't matter if you are faking. If the guy really cares deeply about you, he'll know.
What makes me happy is when my partner is in just as playful a mood as I am, when we are both challenging each other to bring us both to new heights, when we are both being silly and laughing our asses off while getting off, when we are pouring the love we have for each other into each other in this most physically intimate act.
Now why would I want a women faking any of that with me? If she's not into it and trying to act like she is then I would rather just go take care of myself in the bathroom. I get more pleasure that way then from sex with someone who just doesn't want it.
Why would only having sex when you want to turn into never having sex? It's just the opposite. If you have sex when you want it, you'll enjoy it, and want it more often. If you have sex when you don't want it, you'll end up resenting your husband and not wanting sex. Pretty soon you'll be the cold woman you're talking about.
Women like sex. Turning it into a marital duty ruins it. Not just for you, for him, too. Guys want women to enjoy sex, not just do it. If you pretend to want it all the time, they'll know.
Actually I think it's a great gift to your husband to think about your own sexual pleasure. Set limits and follow your own passion and he'll have a willing, happy sex partner.
I really like this piece. I have always believed that you shouldn't have sex when you're not into it just for your partner's sake. I know that some experts give different advice, but I think this article shows the possible dangers.
The author certainly makes you wonder about men who say they need to cheat because their wife won't have sex with them.
A interesting quote from the full article:
"My non-existent sex-drive was a neon warning sign of how I felt OUTSIDE the bedroom: belittled, unimportant, disrespected. At the core, my body was telling me things my head and heart were unprepared to hear."
some guys are simply concerned about which hole to drop their snooker ball. When he gets one to himself (thanks to marriage), he simply takes it as an object of pleasure. Sorry he found you but i can assure you, not all guys are the same.
