Every single she-ruby I've ever attempted to date has failed to acknowledge my existence, taken a flamethrower to my heart, or disappeared in the morning like a cinnamon mist. Maybe this is poetic justice, the price one pays for chasing someone based on a single physical attribute. There was the redhead in high school who used to make out with me after school in the woods. She tasted like bubblegum, glowed in the sun, and dated every boy except for me. I was utterly in love with a little redhead in college who seemed to shoot sparks out of her mouth every time she talked about her passions, from art to politics to music. I finally got a chance to kiss the sprite after years of mooning over her, sending her poems, talking late into the night about her favorite topics, which included the occult, Northern Irish politics, and "Why All The Boys Who Aren't You Be Crazy?" We were at an Irish pub where laddies from "back home" were pounding pints. She and I were a little drunk, and I kissed her at the bar, and the seven-foot-tall leprechaun with a hook instead of a left hand took offense to my putting my mitts on such a bonny lass. I deceive you not: bro had a hook. A hook! I'm happy that I managed to get her into a cab, and get me far away, before the local IRA chapter took a shillelagh to my Texas noggin. The Frisky: Quick Vid: Redheads Get The Party Started
I spent an entire weekend with a redhead whose milky back was a riot of freckles. We did things that still make me sweat. Of course, there was no third day of hot jungle love, nor any subsequent day thereafter, because she informed me with the emotional detachment of a Vulcan that she was "just exploring" her options. I won't judge a whole group of people by three examples. Clearly, my minor fetish somehow sabotaged any success I might have had with them. I accept responsibility. The Frisky: Being A Redhead Hurts
I'm pretty sure a taste for the gingers is solely a guy thing. I've not known many women who are mad, mad, mad for dudes with licorice red locks. One female friend of mine calls them "living corpses." So, maybe women will never understand why men like me are infatuated with scarlet bangs. I mean, redheads aren't magical creatures like unicorns. They are human beings, like you and me. Still, Christina Hendricks, if you're reading this, send me a message through this website. The Frisky: 8 Celebrities Who Changed Their Hair After A Rough Period
Written by John DeVore for The Frisky.
More from The Frisky: