Friend Or Boyfriend? Moving Past The In-Between
Not sure if he's a friend or boyfriend? Here's what you should do.
You know that guy, the one who's not really your boyfriend, but isn't just a friend either? The one you hope will turn into something eventually, but who's dragging his feet when it comes to making a move?
If the answer is yes, you're stuck in a fromance, and it's time to get out and move on. 4 Signs You're More Than Friends
Fromance. Webster's dictionary does not define it at all—and neither can you, probably—but if it did, the definition would read: a friendship/romance with a member of the opposite sex, characterized by comfort, consistency, and plenty of sexual tension that offers no hope of resolution.
Fromances aren't necessarily bad. Your fromance is your go-to guy or girl for office Christmas parties, friend's weddings, family gatherings, and just any old Saturday night on the couch. You guys have a great time together—that's why you're together all the time. But that also means you're with him all the time, and not with all the other millions of eligible bachelors with whom you could be pursuing an actual relationship. (Okay, maybe not millions, but how will you know if you're with Joe Way-Too-Slow every weekend?)
It's not all your fault—or all his, either. There are many roads to fromance. He could be a great guy who's perfect for you in every way, except that he doesn't quite set your knickers afire. Maybe you started dating and the flame eased into more of a soft glow, comforting and lovely, but not what you were looking for. Or maybe he's an old friend who has always been on your to-do list, but whom you've never quite made the move on.
Whatever the case, I'm afraid it's got to end. That is, it's got to end if you're going to begin the rest of your life and actually find the guy who will give you all those things you want from a relationship. So here's the plan. Watch: From Friends To Lovers
Step One: Call him back later, and I mean later.
You've gotten into the habit of making yourself available to this guy whenever and wherever he wants you. He doesn't have to worry about losing you, so why should he put himself out on a limb to move the relationship along? Knock him out of his comfort zone by reminding him that you are fully capable of having a life without him. I'm not saying avoid him (that's so junior high), just choose this time to catch up with all your other friends, assuming you haven't completely ditched them all for the beau-that-never-was. Start getting busy with them and maybe he'll decide to start getting busy with you … see? And if he doesn't, you'll have reminded yourself that he's not your whole world. Read: Girls Crave Closeness, Boys Crave Competition
Discussion
Well. I mean it can be a chicken or the egg situation. Sometimes we have this situation come about because a girl will impose the title of "friend" on a guy that definitely likes her. It's good for her self estime and when she doesn't have a genuine emotional companion he gets to be the guy that fills that role...the another guy comes and its a mess....the same can be the case in reverse. I think the problem is that we have blurred the idea of friendship. Any female I call a friend is one who I equate to a male friend (No FWB's and all those toxic friendships that do not work). If I want to sleep with a girl I'll tell her or make the affection clear up front so I avoid blurrs.
Ok i have a question here iam so confused..heres my story i met this guy on Feb 14th we hit it off so well and have so much in common we have been chatting for hours on the phone and have spent so much time together he even bought a house and pretty much had me moved in with him until i put the brakes on... ..well in May he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said oh yes ..things were going great and one night he told me that he thinks he was falling in that 4 letter word with me and i really didnt know what to do or say so i let it go by..well this is where it gets crazy in Sept i told him i was falling in love with him also...well that was a mistake cause he blew up and said that he wasnt ready for that cause he has been hurt before and i said well i have too and he says to me i think we need to just go back to being friends!! we are still talking alot on the phone and i havent been back to his house for 3 weeks and the other night he asks me so have you written off coming over to see me? (90 miles away) I said no iam not but i will come over soon...this is just the short version just need some help on what to do either i give up or keep going on...i know that he is chatting with other women online and phone and he says they are all friends or just old girlfriends that have stayed in contact with him....HELP!!!!!
So this all happend within the first year? WoW thats crazy. well all i gotta say is to follow your heart. i am actually goin through this i met a guy on April and we started going out. and well i actually told him the four letter word also. and that freaked him out and well he decided to be friends.. and well a week later he came back, and wanted to go out. and well since then we have been going out. and well at least you had the title of Girlfriend because i havent even gotten to the point of having that title and its been six months already. well i think all we have to do is just follow our hearts, and dont be blind of what we want to see and whats actually occuring before our eyes. Its time to talk to them, and find out were we really do stand before their eyes. Well good luck.. =]
I was in one of these with my current girlfriend. For nearly a year we spent a lot of time together and went on many what my best friend calls "not dates". When I finally confessed my feelings to her she said that I was a great guy but not what she was looking for. I was not compleatly heart broken and I hung on for a few more months. As summer came around she went back home to Arizona and I went to Taiwan for a study abroad. My best female friend not counting her told me this few months apart was going to be good and it was. While I was in Taiwan she finally told me that she discovered that she had feelings for me and she wanted to go on a real date when I was back in New York. The day after I got back from Taiwan we went on our 1st date and it's been bliss ever since.
I recently went through this with a friend of mine. We've been friends for 8 years, and I've always had a thing for him. He recently moved back to New York, and we've spent a ton of time together, as well as in constant communication through emailing, texting, IM'ing, etc. He told me a few weeks ago about his new "girlfriend", someone he has been dating for a little over a month.
I made the decision to come clean and tell him everything - how I felt about him, and how hearing about the new girlfriend was way too painful for me. I also asked for a break from the friendship, as it was clear that he did not have the same feelings for me. He obliged, and left the door open for us to "reconnect."
This was one of the most difficult decisions that I ever had to make, and I am struggling with it, but I knew that I had to do it to move on with my life. Hopefully, I made the right decision and the sadness will go away, eventually.
Often times the dude wants her to take the initiative, because his ego is too fragile to face rejection. Step Two (the talk) is tough, but it will probably have a favorable outcome :)
