When Should You Share Very Personal Information?
Is there a time in a relationship to divulge all of your secrets?

Our buddies Em & Lo (EmAndLo.com) have a great weekly column featuring dream interpretation. Even if you're not into dream interpretation, it's always worth a read. If you're like me, you rarely remember your dreams, so it's reading columns like this or watching The Cell. Anywhom, the dream read in question starts with an evil monkey (not dissimiliar to the one who lives in Chris Griffin's closet) and ends with secrets and lies. Very interesting read.
Next, former YourTango contributor Jessica Wakeman has a recurring bout of the blues. And not the regular blues like you get after seeing a David Blaine performance and realizing you'll never get that money or time back. Per her piece from The Frisky, she has been wrestling with Hamlet-esque melancholia and the accompanying cycles of calm, shame and weltschmerz. She did a funny thing and divulged her condition to the parents of her now cohabiting boyfriendo (and then to us).
Which brings me to this question: What do you owe your significant other in terms of letting him/ her understand what makes you you?
If you've got something catch-y (particularly in the oral, anal or genital regions), you probably have to let the cat out of the cart before those body parts meet, exchange business cards and promise to grab lunch real soon. But stuff that won't directly lead to bumps and a flaming urinary tract can be just as dangerous. Read: My Boyfriend Gave Me Herpes
For instance, if you've been a victim or perpetrator of violence, does your new squeeze deserve to know the details? If so, when? Telling someone during the first date that your old lady used to give you an assful of pipe wrench, may be a bit soon but waiting too long may feel dishonest to one or both parties.
Emotional trauma, drama and Wilmer Valderrama, like Jessica's, have a way of throwing a serious assful of pipe wrench into the romance works too. Irrespective of the actual, underlying source, mental, emotion and spiritual challenges provide the bedrock of most discord in otherwise strong relationships. But a myth exists (and continually gains strength even if just in our minds) that these demons are supposed to be fought in the dark and without help. Read: Your Love Life on Drugs
Obviously, we all reveal our human foibles and history (women periodically have gas, really?) only when we're comfortable (or drunk), but what do we owe our partners and when? Obviously, someone keenly interested and worthwhile will stick through the thick and the thin, but is it only fair to acknowledge a potential deal breaker before things get too too serious? And how do you mentally prepare yourself knowing that anything you say can and may be used against you in the court of love?
I'd love to hear from you on this. Theory, opinion and anecdotes are welcome.
Discussion
I have had to deal with this issue. I was abused as a child and I am still trying to figure out how long to wait before I tell whomever I am dating. If I wait too long I risk it coming out in a manner that I don't have control over. Like in my last relationship. A month in, I got uncomfortable with how far we were going and he got freaked out and stopped talking to me. Its not something I want to hide but I don't want to bring it up too early and scare him off that way either.
I can kind of understand where you are coming from, having been on the "receiving the info" side. Those that I have dated who had been abused in some way as a child had also confided in me roughly a month or a little more into the relationship.
Different guys will probably have different reactions. I didn't go running for the hills, but I didn't know how to react either. I pretty much kept quiet, let her say her peice, and then held her. It was all I kind think to do to convey how bad I felt for her and how it didn't change how I felt or thought about her...or that I wasn't leaving her either.
I guess its a judgement call. When you feel comfortable enough to share such information. I'm sorry that your last guy had such a bad reaction to the news...just don't take it personally. If he got scared away by your history then there is a good chance he won't be strong enough to really be there when new problems come up.
Well, I've said everything that is important. Anything he asks I usually answer. But there are something that I just won't share. Secrets that I only i know. Sometimes, you just have to have a secret that only you know. You can't make your partner know everything about you because you are different. I'm quite certain you wouldn't want him telling you everything single thing.
The things vital and needed should be said. Like how you came to be like this and why you do things like that. Stuff like that are important. Yes, honesty is the best policy but there are certain limits to everything. It's almost the same as maintaining some sort of privacy.
I told my husband about my family drama a couple months into the relationship when it seemed things were getting serious. it became relevant and he needed that info to decide whether to continue forward. and I could wait on it since it wasn't something he needed to know up front, like that I had 2 kids or was a transsexual or something.
I think it would be hard to hide a serious emotional or health issue for very long. If you're spending a fair amount of time together after a few months your partner will probably notice that you're moody or you avoid heights or you wash your hands 10 times an hour. Then you'll have to explain where it's coming from.
I agree it is always best to be honest as soon as possible. Truth is the effect of certain emotional baggage can really weigh down on a person and a relationship.
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