When Should You Share Very Personal Information?

By

depression
Is there a time in a relationship to divulge all of your secrets?

Our buddies Em & Lo (EmAndLo.com) have a great weekly column featuring dream interpretation. Even if you're not into dream interpretation, it's always worth a read. If you're like me, you rarely remember your dreams, so it's reading columns like this or watching The Cell. Anywhom, the dream read in question starts with an evil monkey (not dissimiliar to the one who lives in Chris Griffin's closet) and ends with secrets and lies. Very interesting read.

Next, former YourTango contributor Jessica Wakeman has a recurring bout of the blues. And not the regular blues like you get after seeing a David Blaine performance and realizing you'll never get that money or time back. Per her piece from The Frisky, she has been wrestling with Hamlet-esque melancholia and the accompanying cycles of calm, shame and weltschmerz. She did a funny thing and divulged her condition to the parents of her now cohabiting boyfriendo (and then to us).

 

Which brings me to this question: What do you owe your significant other in terms of letting him/ her understand what makes you you?

If you've got something catch-y (particularly in the oral, anal or genital regions), you probably have to let the cat out of the cart before those body parts meet, exchange business cards and promise to grab lunch real soon. But stuff that won't directly lead to bumps and a flaming urinary tract can be just as dangerous. Read: My Boyfriend Gave Me Herpes

For instance, if you've been a victim or perpetrator of violence, does your new squeeze deserve to know the details? If so, when? Telling someone during the first date that your old lady used to give you an assful of pipe wrench, may be a bit soon but waiting too long may feel dishonest to one or both parties.

Emotional trauma, drama and Wilmer Valderrama, like Jessica's, have a way of throwing a serious assful of pipe wrench into the romance works too. Irrespective of the actual, underlying source, mental, emotion and spiritual challenges provide the bedrock of most discord in otherwise strong relationships. But a myth exists (and continually gains strength even if just in our minds) that these demons are supposed to be fought in the dark and without help. Read: Your Love Life on Drugs

Obviously, we all reveal our human foibles and history (women periodically have gas, really?) only when we're comfortable (or drunk), but what do we owe our partners and when? Obviously, someone keenly interested and worthwhile will stick through the thick and the thin, but is it only fair to acknowledge a potential deal breaker before things get too too serious? And how do you mentally prepare yourself knowing that anything you say can and may be used against you in the court of love?

I'd love to hear from you on this. Theory, opinion and anecdotes are welcome. 

 
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