Did She Dump Him Because He's Broke

Did She Dump Him Because He's Broke

Did She Dump Him Because He's Broke

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Did She Dump Him Because He's Broke

Name: john | | Location: nyc , ny |Question: So
here is a question. I dated a girl in New York a few years ago. She was a girl
who worked in a similar field, I was attracted to, and we did a lot of fun stuff
together. She was perfect for me. I broke up with her for a number of
reasons, because she wouldn't leave New York, because she didn't want to spend
time with my family even though I spent time with hers, and because I felt like
our relationship could only be sustained with a certain level of money, I am not
talking about a lot of money, just that the amount I made was not enough. For
example, I felt a lot of financial pressure, when we went away together she
wanted to do things I felt I couldn't afford, I felt like for the relationship
to continue we had to eat out a certain amount. We even went so far as creating
a fund where we would both contribute to maintain fun things, equally
contributed to.

But, we ended up breaking up after a night when I had a
cold, got soup, paid for her drink and my soup, and then didn't have enough to
pay the cover charge on the place where we were and she didn't offer to pay,
despite the existence of our mutual "fun fund". We had been making an effort to
go out more and I really wanted to continue the relationship but I felt like for
that to happen, my level of spending had to be more than I could afford.
I decided to end it because I felt that we should be able to spend time
together and enjoy each other's company even without spending money. I also felt
like I was head over heels in love with her, and perhaps she did not feel the
same about me. So I broke up with her.

It was not a good breakup. I had
gotten upset once before and said I didn't want to break up, and we had tried to
work on our relationship. But that night we were walking on the street, and I
was telling her I was upset about the fact that she didn't offer to pay for me,
and she wouldn't talk to me about it. She walked away and I went to a subway
entrance and went home. We left each other, I was mad and I started a fight, and
then I didn't call for several days. It was extremely hard for me to do,
because I was really in love with her. After we broke up, I tried several times
to renew my relationship with her and she resisted all my efforts, and even met
me once in an effort to "bring me closure". To this day, I still think
about her all the time. I tried to date other women after that and I even met
some very awesome women, but I could not shake this girl from my thoughts and my
heart. She has said she doesn't want to be friends. I wish her a happy
birthday every year, and she has had two birthdays since we broke up. I have
since moved to a new city and I have tried to date other women. I am at a point
in my life where I will soon be making more money, and I will probably be able
to be at a point where I can legitimately afford to date her.

My
question is this... is timing everything? I loved this woman so much, but I
really feel that things have run their course, and I won't be able to ever renew
our relationship. I am not afraid that I won't ever meet another woman or that I
won't fall in love again... I guess my question is, is love and a satisfying
relationship possible when each person is not mutually fully satisfied by the
relationship? I would have happily continued our relationship, I loved her, but
I did not feel that she felt the same about me...But I feel it is virtually
impossible to find a person who is as in love with you as you are with them,
especially if you are a guy... did I make the wrong move in breaking up with
her? Every self respecting bone in my body says I didn't, but my heart says I
did.  |Age: 34

I guess my question is, is love and a satisfying
relationship possible when each person is not mutually fully satisfied by the
relationship?

Wait.
THAT'S your question? John, this woman was extremely selfish. She
didn't make much of an effort to get to know your family and wouldn't
even shell out the $50 to get you two into a club. She treated you
poorly. She dismissed you and your feelings. Dare I say she never
really even cared for you.

 

This woman represents something to
you. That's what you're holding on to. That's what you are drawn to.
Something about her makes you feel "good enough." You're trying to get
her approval somehow. You feel compelled to prove to her that you are
good enough, that you're not some loser or door mat. But the only
person telling you that you are those things is you. So that is where I
would start. You need to fix how you feel about yourself before you can
ever attract someone who deserves you and treats you well.

This
is similar to the women who date the guys with the nice cars and great
loft apartments and who take them to upscale places to eat and lounge.
They're not so much in love with him, the person. They're in love with
the trappings and status that comes with dating him. To make this more
relatable, it's like the shy studious bookworm dating the popular
cheerleader or football player. Suddenly, because that "in" person has
bestowed acceptance upon them, they now have the social proof they
always craved.

This girl is your head cheerleader. You need to
deal with why you ever would allow someone to treat you this way and
why you tolerated it. Why do you need her approval? Forget about timing
and fate and all that. Focus on you or else you will keep attracting
these types of women.

As for this:

I guess my question is, is love and a satisfying
relationship possible when each person is not mutually fully satisfied by the
relationship?

The
answer is simple. No, it's not possible to have a satisfying
relationship when each person is unsatisfied. It's not possible to have
a healthy relationship when only one person is unsatisfied.

But I feel it is virtually
impossible to find a person who is as in love with you as you are with them,
especially if you are a guy

Sorry,
my friend. Men don't have the monopoly on this. Both men and women fall
prey to this. And the thing is, I don't think it's necessarily uncommon
to be the one to love someone more. It's not how much we love, but
rather how much we expect that gets us in trouble. The catch is to be
self-aware enough to take responsibility for how much we love or care
for someone and understand that the other person is not obligated to
share the same level of affection. Let me explain...if you asked
someone if their partner is the most important person in their life,
and one says yes and the other says no, that doesn't mean that the
person who said no doesn't love their mate madly.If you expect your
mate to have the same answer, then you're setting yourself up for
disappointment.

Maybe the problem isn't that you care to much but that you're co-dependant or just plain too dependent on someone else's approval or affection? Maybe you rely on that to define you?


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