6 Unspoken Domestic Gripes Of Couples
What your live-in partner is thinking but not saying about the way you two live.
While recently having dinner with a dear old friend who has joined the married lot, we just had to ask. Come on, we urged. Is there anything about living with your woman that drives you berserk but that you'd never tell her about?
After a bit of prodding, turns out he did have quite a few domestic annoyances. But he viewed them as so mild and trifling that he never planned to bring them up at all. Much of what he said surprised us. We did a bit more informal polling of married folk and halves of cohabiting couples to uncover their biggest pet peeves around the house. Here are a few of the gripes some live-ins are secretly harboring.
GRIPE ONE: "Must she leave dishes in the sink?" he asks. It's not hygienic. Plus, it takes all of 45 seconds to rinse the dish and put it in the dishwasher. Having so many dishes stacked in the sink makes it look cluttered. Let's keep the sink clean and clear.
GRIPE TWO: "Must she use so many paper towels and so much toilet tissue?" he wonders. We go through the items like hot cakes. Doesn't she know we're in a recession? We can't be spending so much on household items right now. Every single sink in the house may not need hand soap and hand lotion in this economy.
GRIPE THREE: Does she really need to push vegetables down my throat at every meal? I don't like veggies. I never have and I never will. I get my vitamins and minerals in other ways. I take supplements. What I like most is meat. I'd like to eat more of it at my dinner table. How To Get Him To Eat Vegetables
GRIPE FOUR: The bed. Can't she make it once in a while before we leave the house for work in the morning? How much nicer it would be at night to crawl into bed at night when the sheets are smoothed out and and the pillows fluffed. Beautiful Master Bedroom Designs
GRIPE FIVE: Must she give short shrift to pet duty. It seems I am always the one to take out the dog in the morning and late at night and after returning from a road trip. And must it be me who cleans the cat litter box. I'd like it if we shared pet clean-up and care. Can't she take a morning or two?
GRIPE SIX: Non-stop snooze button. Every morning it's the same routine. She sleeps closest to the alarm and when the buzzer sounds she reaches for the button. And just when we both fall back asleep, it sounds again. One of these days we're going to be late for work. Let's just wake up when it's time to get up.
Readers, what are some of your unspoken domestic gripes?
Discussion
I understand that there are little things that bother people. However, why does my BF have to be so fussy. Yes, I make chewing sounds when I eat (even though my mouth is closed), so does he. How can I chew quietly? Is my floor dirty in my apartment, maybe, I sweep once a week but I only mop once a month. I don't complain about his habit of dusting only once a year. All I'm saying is we all have our negative habits, all of us, no one is excluded from the ability to slack off in some way or another. Is it really healthy to always be struggling to change the other person? Maybe letting go of control once in a while isn't such a bad thing.
It isn't a bad thing. In fact, I don't think you should set out to change the other person. If their habits drive you up the wall maybe you should move on or learn to let go. I hated the way my DH ate chips until I realized...WE ALL EAT CHIPS THAT WAY.
Now I just try to take a deep breath, distract myself and move on. The constant tapping and leg jiggling is another thing.
This sounds rather one sided. One of the gripes mentioned he said"before we go to work". If they are both working, exactly what does he do in the relationship to help around the house? Laundry? If both people work out of the house in a relationship, the work should be shared at the end of the day. He should take some responsibility for doing the dishes, or making the bed if that is what bothers him.
It can be a struggle sometimes when both people are tired and don't want to mess with it, but communication is king in a good relationship. If it bothers you, talk it out, but remember not to point fingers at the other person, because you are just as responsible.
Not talking to your partner is perhaps the most unwise way to handle problems. Even the littlest things can grow to be a huge problem once a big argument starts. Have you ever started an argument about one thing only to slowly spead into all the nitty-gritty corners of "Well you never" and "I hate when you do"? The best of us have.
As for her not making the bed... are your hands broken dude?
I agree, Petty, but human. How long has the peeved been married?
I never understand the obcession of a dish-less sink though. It chaps my hubs butt too. I think what he and maybe you realize, is that women have their own idea of how chores or household responsibilities are handled and when, just because it's on your list doesn't mean it's on mine! I mean really, it's a plate...why does it have to hold a consistent record for going from use to washer or cabinet?
Men, always trying to beat their own times. LOL
As for how to get an intimate candle lit dinner with no TV? Learn how to flip the breaker. Of course this can only be used sparingly. You will also have to master the 'I called the Utility Comapny and they have logged the problem" General fix or response time is 24-36 hours.
I learned the breaker trick back in the early 90's when Sega Genisis came out. It was the only way to legally separate my then boyfriend from it.
Thats kinda the point. They are petty for some, especially when you aren't living with someone. You get to do things your way, have them your way, and not have to deal with anyone else altering how you like to do things.
In marriage, or just plain 'ol living together, you don't have that space all to yourself anymore, and the way you like things may be contrary to the way your guy or gal likes things. I hate emptying the dishes in the sink into the dishwasher only to come home and find more dishes in the sink. Once in a while is not a big deal, but when it happens constantly then I start to wonder why I even bother to try and make the place look nice.
These petty little things pile up because we all see them as so petty, until the fight breaks out and all of these petty little things get spilled out in the open. I have to constantly remind my GF to close the lid on the toilet. Its no power struggle or anything like that. I have cats and I don't want them drinking out of the toilet, which they will if the lid is left up. Its a petty thing, but I care about my cats, so I'd rather nip it in the bud now instead of let it fester.
Aside from that, I've heard women say the exact same things that husband said. Perhaps he usually makes the bed in the morning and, like taking care of the pets, he would just like her to lend a hand in it. Either way, these little things need to be discussed early on and as soon as they come up in any kind of joint living situation. Small things build up a lot faster than the obvious big ones.
I hate it when my bf comes home and just throws his clothes on the recliner.. I mean hello the laundry room is 10 feet away.. I also hate it when he NEVER wants to eat dinner at the kitchen table, to me taking the time to cook a good meal for him.. and all I want is an intimate dinner in the dining room every once in a while with the t.v off.. They are small things that wouldn't end our relationship, but man we all know we could do with out them.
Well, we both have bad habits and there are lots of little things I don't bother fighting about anymore. I don't think there are any secrets though. If something is actually irritating you, you should probably talk about it. Just try to do it nicely.
