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5 Reasons to Stay

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But statistics also tell us that the chance of a relationship
born from infidelity being successful is less than 1 and 100. Less
than 1%. More often than not, the best thing someone new has going for
him or her is being . . . new. And, once they aren't anymore, you are
left
in an even more precarious position.  

Whoever
you choose -- it always comes down to one thing. How hard are you
willing
to fight to make the relationship work? How easily are you willing to
give your relationship away?

4. Often the Person You Are
Running From Is You

Surprisingly,
of all the reasons couples gave me for why they chose to end their
marriage or relationship, the loss of love or mutual friendship was
often notably absent. It often came down to something else: the desire
to start a new life. To not grow old. Or, at least, to not
feel like
they were.  

It
is difficult to stay with the person who knows you best when you don't
like what we see in the mirror. It may be easier to blame your
partner
than to take a hard look at yourself. But, at the end of the day, it
isn't your partner's responsibility to change your self-image, or to
fix your self-doubt. It's yours. And, if we want to like
ourselves
better, running out on a person who likes us the way we are isn't a
wise starting point.

5. You Don't Need A Reason

Like
anything worth having in this life, marriage and long-term commitment
are hard work. Sometimes knowing that can be enough to help us not pick
at the scabs while they are healing, to not make things worse as
opposed to letting them feel better. As a lovely couple in Seattle
Washington reminded me, things will feel better. "Be good to each
other, be patient. If you allow it, love always lives through
that."

©2009 Laura Dave, author of The Divorce Party: A Novel

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