What Is A Wife-Carrying Contest?

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wife-carrying
The sport is a metaphor for relationships, combining strength, teamwork and communication.
  • Get divorced. While you could carry your ex-wife, what's the point?
  • Eat a fibrous meal. It's just common courtesy, OK.
  • Ridicule your partner. Sure, he may not be exactly Magnus Samuelsson and she may not exactly be Mila Kunis (light but with seemingly strong hands and thighs), but the competitors will sense your bickering and exploit it (I don't know how).
  • Forget to practice (with a helmet). Just because a guy is in good shape, strong and fast doesn't mean he'll excel at carrying his wife even if she's spritely with strong thighs and a good, strong grip. You need to practice but some mistakes will happen while you learn the proper technique. Will veterans and yokels make fun of you for your safety precautions? Yes. But their wives may have brain damage by now. 
  • Use steroids. C'mon, man. Have some respect for the sport.
  • Quit. Winners never quit and quitters only win if everyone else gets disqualified.

Anyone ever participated in a wife-carrying race? Sounds like a pretty decent reason for huge men with tiny girlfriends to get married.

*Note: That's what they'd call it in jail. The real name is “Estonian style,” those kinky Tallinnians.

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