Why Does Breaking Up Hurt So Much?
Break ups are difficult and moving on can be an even greater challenge.
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Discussion
I was in a relationship for 3 years totally sold out gave all of me to this person i did everything i just new we would be together forever. Then i got pregnant wanted to give him the ultimate life and complete him with a child, then i had a miscarriage from stressing and worrying cause he was a truck driver and i used to ride with him but as i got up in months it was suggested i come off the road. But i didn't want to be without him and things turned upside down. I end up losing the baby and he swore it was my fault, and all of this mean stuff. Eventually i thought he had gotten over it, but some two years later he was still holding it inside and couldn't forgive me. To make a long story short all that time and all we had been through and i forgave him even when he cheated, cause he say the baby issue hurted him so bad, he wanted me to hurt as if i hadn't carried the baby 7 months and was hurt. To top it all off she was my best friend at least i thought. The crazy thing through all of this i was determined to make it work, we broke up but got back together, now it's a constant roller coaster. It's to the point now where he goes and comes as he pleases, does whatever and i just cry all the time because i love him so much we still stay together and everytime i try to leave he doesn't want me to. I'm so hurt and confused and it's so hard to let go he say we will work through this it just takes time. I know i haven't been perfect and I've messed up but i just need to know should i let go or wait it out. Some nights he doesn't even come home and he say he's gonna have friends deal with it. The crazy thing is i know i deserve better and normally wouldn't accept that kind of behavoir from no one but he is so different. Confused, Hurt, Lonely.
Yes, breaking up hurt so much especially when you have years of relationship. I can relate to that. I have known a man for 10 years and have been in a relationship with him.....we were so much in loved, will call each other everyday, made wonderful sex and great conversatins; both our families love us too. Then one day he broke up with me. After all these months after he broke up with, I went soul searching with myself....I found out and admitted to myself that I have more shortcomings i.e. for the past months I have not been as romantic as used to be, my libido was not as pleasurable as used to be, I've looked & acted more stressed than used to be....no matter how he tried to be nice....but the mistake I had was I did not open a communicatin on what was going on. I have tried to get back, but he rejected it. This man I have loved is 7 years younger than me but despite of our age difference we were committed to each other for a long number of wonderful years....almost 10 years. I missed him, I still have him in my heart and still wishing for him.....although I have not spoken to him for a few months now.....despite of how I tried so much to forget him, that to that extent I have tried to date another man.....his image & name always come out of my mind. So at this pont, I've decided to wait and see if he will come forward voluntarily to me. He knows I want him back. I believed that good people deserves good things.
I've been where you are, Tangerine, and have learned some things from that experience.
Please look at the facts, dear.. After a 10-year relationship, your boyfriend suddenly broke up with you and hasn't been in contact since. In my experience, that means it's all over for him and he's moved on. (You don't say why he left, but I'm betting that it wasn't because of some imagined faults you think you have.)
A man who truly loves a woman chooses to stay with her; your man voluntarily chose to leave you and stay gone. Exactly what is he doing for you? Not a thing. Therefore, IMO your old BF isn't worth another second of your precious time. I'm sure there is someone out there who is waiting for you to stop living in the past and start looking at the future -- because that's where he is!
"Living well is the best revenge." "I believe that good people deserve good things." So do I.
Prove this to yourself and everybody else by getting up, getting out and getting busy with new activities and people. Do more things with your family; volunteer at your church, school, hospital or in your community; meet new friends of both sexes and enjoy some good times with them; start a new diet and exercise program with like-minded people; go back to school, etc. In other words, live your life to the fullest every minute because you are a fabulous woman who deserves to have one. Don't settle for less, like living for a man who isn't around any more.
Trust me: In time your old memories will be replaced by those of a much happier and more fulfilling present. And that, I think, is when a fine man will come along and appreciate the fine woman you are. Good luck, Tangerine! Now get moving.
