Robert Pattinson's Sperm Can Finally Be Yours

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Robert Pattinson's Sperm Can Finally Be Yours
At last, celebrity look-alike sperm donors are here.

So you've always wanted to have a baby with Brad Pitt, but didn't know how to ask Angelina Jolie to release his scrotum from her bony fist for half an hour.

Rest assured, you're not alone.

A lot of people want Brad Pitt's sperm. And Robert Pattinson's. And Johnny Depp's. And now, thanks to Cryobank sperm bank, they can — sort of.

Merging the science of assisted reproduction with the art of pop culture whoredom, Cryobank allows clients to select sperm from donors who supposedly look like celebrities. I Knocked Myself Up: Pregnancy On My Own

At last, you may have your very own Shiloh.

But wait. Before you run out and get some Mr. Smith for your Mrs. Butterworth, there are a few things you should know about Cryobank. For starters, the donor profiles don't actually include photos of the donors. Thus, if someone claims to look like Keanu Reeves, there's always the chance— as we've all learned from online dating — that he might actually look like Jon Gosselin. Woman Has Baby In 9 Weeks At Age Of 57

Additional problems we've considered:

1. Cryobank is based in LA (needless to say). LA is filled with celebrity wannabes who undergo a lot of plastic surgery. And plastic surgery, as we all know, can't be passed down in the genes.

2. Having a celebrity (or celebrity look-alike) for a father does not by any means guarantee that your child will be attractive. For the sake of the innocent offspring of famous people out there, we will not provide examples (but we're sure you can come up with some on your own).

3. There are your own genes to contend with. We know you're beautiful. Of course you are. But do you look like Halle Berry? Has anyone recently mistaken you for Michelle Williams? If not, then there's still the chance that your children will end up looking more like your weird Aunt Lavinia than Gabriel Aubry or Heath Ledger.

We're not saying you shouldn't follow this route to parenthood if you really and truly want to. And goodness knows, we couldn't stop you if we tried. Just take this last bit of advice to heart before you do: there are times in life when low expectations come in handy. And in our humble opinion, this is one of them.
 

Photo via Bauer Griffin.

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