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His Girl "Friends"

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Are you cool with him having single gal pals? Answer these 3 questions to find out.

He gets along with women best. Always has. His girl friends far outnumber his guy friends (about seven to one). This is the scenario with some men. But what happens when a man like this (who has a large number of single female companions) suddenly finds himself in a relationship and has a (as in one, singular) girlfriend?

The truth of the matter is that he has to tread carefully during the transition stage. No woman wants to be "that" girlfriend. No doubt she will resent being put in a position where she feels she has to be. During this trust-building stage the man's actions are key. That's because this love fest of female friends plus girlfriend plus guy can play out in any number of ways. The tone is set by the guy (or the gal if she is the one in the relationship who has more friends of the opposite sex) and the results will depend on him too. Here's what we mean.

1) Does he talk openly about his new girlfriend with his girl "friends"? For instance, let's say a guy sits down to lunch with his girlfriend. He then takes a quick call (after ever so politely asking if it's okay) from a gal pal. "Yes of course you should answer your phone," says the girlfriend. He makes plans for later in the day with his gal pal. This is no cause for pause. Girlfriend has single-guy friends who she wants to hang out with, too. But what can be slight cause for irritation is this: he calls his "friend" by the same pet name he calls his girlfriend. On top of that, during the 10-minute conversation with Gal Pal, Girlfriend sitting across is never mentioned. If this happens, take note. (Think: Instead of saying "I'm having lunch with my girlfriend," it's "I'm having lunch" or it's "Last weekend I went to an amazing concert" instead of "I saw a great show with my girlfriend.") If he's keeping a vague air of mystery in what he's saying (and not saying) a girlfriend may not feel as trusting. Another question: Does he text or call when he's out? Dating Coaches & Pickup Coaches: Same Difference?

2) Does he introduce his new girlfriend to his longtime girl "friends"? If he wants there to be harmony among them he will. But if he continues to hang out either/or (meaning either with his girlfriend exclusively some nights or alone with his single girl "friends" other nights), never intermingling the two, this move could make the relationship wither before it has even had time to bloom.

3) Does he still party like a single guy? This is not to say that once a guy and a gal decide to get together and become a couple they should spend all their time together. This assumption, on the part of either guy or gal, could definitely leave a partner feeling miserbly smothered. But the way one goes out when one is in a relationship should be different than the way one goes out as a single person. If nothing has changed, if he's going out with his gal pals just as much as he was before he had a girlfriend, it may cause the girlfriend to wonder what he really wants. Lastly, if he's not wanting to, on his own, (and this is a big point, on his own volition) call his girlfriend after he's had a fine night out and returned home, this could signal that he may not be ready for a relationship. Women don't want to have to force men to do things. If he's not taking the initiative, a new girlfriend is going to feel less comfortable with the whole idea of being a couple. Ultimately, every person is going to do what he or she wants to do. Some actions foster a sense of trust; others do not. Without trust, fuggeddaboutit

Readers, are we right here or are we wrong?

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