While easy to utter and even easier to delude one's self with, the "I didn't plan it" line has yet to succeed in convincing a single human being in the past five thousand years to respond supportively with: "Well, in that case, I guess it's all good."
Nonetheless, people who should know better continue to use it, whether defending their semi-clothed actions with the barely legal pool boy or explaining why they decided to start carrying on with a married D-list reality TV star who has a girlfriend. We refer, of course, to Kate Major. 6 Celeb Rebounds We'll Pass On
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In a new tell-all interview with her former employer, the ex-Star magazine reporter explains everything about her affair with Jon Gosselin, and not surprisingly, the "I didn't plan it" line makes an appearance. But before we go there, let us relay some details about their amazingly sexy courtship.
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According to Kate, it all began when she showed up at the house of Jon and the original Kate to conduct an interview on July 17. Kate told Jon's bodyguard: "I want to meet Jon." The bodyguard's response: "I bet he wants to meet you." He then took out his cell phone, snapped a picture and sent it to Jon. Jon's response: "Yes! I want to talk to her." Jon & Kate Plus Two New Mates?
Minutes later, the two met face-to-face and were overwhelmed with the kind of lust that only a tabloid reporter can feel for an overweight married man. And thus began the most nauseating love triangle this side of the VH1 primetime lineup.
Of course, Hailey Glassman, Jon's 22-year-old girlfriend, didn't even realize there was a triangle at first. In fact, she was so clueless about the affair that she gushed to Kate about her romance with Jon during an interview at a New York-area Starbucks.
"I felt conflicted about liking Jon when I realized how nice [Hailey] was," Kate explains. "I felt so bad for her. But I didn't plan anything."
Clearly, she felt really really really bad. So bad that she had to punish herself by sleeping with Jon repeatedly.
Let's hear it again: "I didn't plan anything."
And again: "I didn't plan anything."
One more time: "I didn't plan anything."
Fine, Kate. If you promise to go away we'll tell you what you want to hear. But in exchange for these words, you must disappear from our consciousness forever.
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Okay, here goes: "Well, in that case, it's all good."
Photo via Bauer Griffin.