My Husband Forgave Me For Hitting Him
After last weeks nightmare, my husband and I have spent this week trying to patch the hole we created in an otherwise strong foundation. We've learned a lot about each other in the process.
OK, when I last posted, I was on the brink of divorce because I acted like a psychotic shrew. Thankfully I have a husband who believes enough in me and our relationship that we could try to make it work. We both did alot of talking, apologizing, crying and laughing. We fell in love again. We've spent quality time trying to identify the problem and talking about our feelings. We managed to do it without be critical or accusatory of each other. We acted like grown-ups. We realized neither of us is perfect, therefore our marriage isn't going to be perfect.
I was the assaulter. I was the one who violated him. In alot of cases, it would have been the other way around, and all hell would have broken lose. There is something about a man hitting a woman that makes people crazy and they call for a lynching. What happens when it's the other way around? When A Woman Hits Her Husband
I am not an abusive person by nature. I truly adore my husband. I know that what happend last week will not ever happen again, because I will not allow myself to lose control like that ever again. I did not like myself at all. I was horrified and ashamed of what I had done. That is the main reason I wanted to blog about it.
There are probably a lot of men out there that put up with a lot of crap from the women that they share their space with. I want those women to see this and to know that it is wrong. Just because we are the women doesn't give us the right to hurt the men we care about. I have been hit by a man before, and I left. After the first time. If my husband had done the same, I could never have blamed him. But he didn't. He knows how sorry, truly sorry, I am. He's a good man. He loves me and he must believe in me to take another chance.
Throughout our talks all week, he told me he felt like less than a man after what happend, because didn't retaliate. I think that makes him more of a man. He could have knocked my head off, but he didn't. He could have thrown me in jail, but he didn't. He could have put me in the street, but he didn't. Because he is a man. A real man. One who loves his wife, and is willing to give her a second chance.
I learned alot about myself and my marriage this week. I learned that no matter how pissed I am, I cannot ever raise my hand in anger again. I learned that my "perfect" marriage isn't going to be perfect. I also learned that it's ok that it isn't perfect. I learned that my husband has deeper feelings for me than I ever even imagined. I also learned that the thought of not being his wife terrifies me.
Even though what happend was horrific, it was a learning experience. They say you live and you learn. They are absolutely right.
Discussion
You two rock!!!
Its easy for folks who have never really had any major problems to throw stones and just focus on the negative, but a lot of them never give thought to how much work, effort, and love goes into fixing those problems!
If more people had the courage and conviction of you and your husband we'd probably see a major decline in the divorce rates here!
I knew I would catch hell for even writing this piece. I did it anyway, because it's something that needed to be talked about. I am reasonably sure there are many couples out there who have gone through what we did, and nobody talks about it, because it's supposed to be "OK" for a woman to lash out (she was just being "that way"). But it isn't. Love is not supposed to hurt, ever, regardless of who is doing the hurting. I have not made excuses for what I did, I have simply acknowledged it, and I have apologized. My husband has moved past it, hopefully you can as well. I find it amazing that of the postings I have submitted regarding this issue, that you only took your highlighted portions from it. So, I'll address what you feel you need to know. #1, why are you so surprised I was getting ready for Church?
#2, my husband was an alcoholic long before he met me, and in fact, has cut down his drinking CONSIDERABLY since we got married.
#3, I do have problems, and I am facing them. What is YOUR excuse?
#4, we made love. No roughness at all, there never is in our bedroom.
I hope I have satisfied your curiosity.
To everyone else, thank you for your support. We ARE looking for a therapist so we can address what brought us to this point. I'm sure we're going to be ok, because we do love each other and we have alot of positive things going for us.
I will keep you updated!
I read your previous post and the i realized there were three amazing parts to your story. #1 is the fact you were getting ready for Church before you pushed your husband into the closet. #2 you felt the need to write that your husband is an alcoholic (i'm slowly understanding why) and #3 you write that he was "still pissy" when you got home from your sisters that night. Lady you have problems. Drinkings not his problem. He's unhappy and he drinks to deal with that. I'm pretty sure your the reason why he's unhappy. At least you slept with him when you came home, so thats a silver lining i guess.
But seriously you both should go to counseling separately first, then if you still want to be with each other, go together.
I just hope he wakes up.
Quick question, was the sex rough or was it love making? My guess is it was a little rough. This is just an assumption, but it sounds like this guy likes the rough stuff and you as a good wife, like to deliver.
Look forward to reading more of you postings!!!
I think his being an alcoholic is what helped him understand his wife better. He knew he had been granted a lot of grace for his past behaviors and he probably knows the signs of someone who is truly apologetic. Also, he is a former alcoholic and I don't think she blames her husband at all. Nor was she bringing that up to excuse herself. In fact, I don't think she lets herself off the hook at all. And I think the point about counseling is great. Counseling helps everyone.
I truly believe that one of the differences between one time and repeat offenders is the ability to face up to the wrong admit it and make no excuses. What I love about what you wrote is that you don't make excuses, you don't try to hide or deny or cast blame like Chris Brown did. You just say what you did and that you are sorry. So, so, so many people could learn how to apologize from you. I am so proud of your husband for being a real man and proud of you for being a truly humble wife.
Lately my husband and I have talked about how inappropriate it is for me to hit him even in a joking manner. We really want to remove the taint of violence from all of our interactions.
