Sometimes you have to give to receive.
By Susan Crain Bakos i
If you're in a relationship, you probably have quid pro quo sex: You arouse him with some oral sex, he returns so you can orgasm, you shift to intercourse for his peak and finish with "The Cuddle" for your benefit.
Give your sex life a jolt with fellatio that will rock both of your worlds (really!). It's time modern women got down on our knees for something other than a yoga class — to really worship his penis — and even possibly have an orgasm while doing. (Yes, an orgasm during a BJ!)
1. Worship the member.
Open veneration of the penis was practiced throughout history — right up to the point where it was repressed in Christianity. We in the West erect more subtle monuments to the male organ, like the Washington Monument, but we all see the message: male power.
How do you practice phallus worship? Make love to his penis. Not him, his penis. Every man secretly wants to experience a woman in thrall to the power of his sexual organ.
2. Venerate your man.
In that moment, he becomes his penis, because your passion is pure — not dependent on his money or status or good looks. (Sometimes it's the best part of him, isn't it? I've had more than one intense personal relationship where I loved the penis — but the man, not so much. I call it being dick-matized.)
But trust me: Make love to his penis alone, and the man, its life support system, will love you for that.
Really, there is no better way of reducing the stress and tension of daily life than taking a penis into your mouth and sucking. It's the big girl's pacifier.
3. Pay attention!
First: Get down on your knees, grasp that big boy and look at it. Have you ever really done that? A penis is a beautiful thing. Each one is a different work of art.
Second: Pay close attention to how the penis responds as you lick and suck and stroke.
The obvious mouth moves — sucking the head, swirling your tongue around the corona, strumming the frenulum — always work. But that penis has its special little places. Find them. One of my all-time favorite organs had this spot on the underside of the shaft, about a third of the way down. I could make it come by sucking there.
4. Gets yours while going down.
I call this the Wild Card Chakra Trick. Chakra number five, located at the throat, is said to be the chakra of creative expression.
Some women can reach orgasm while performing fellatio because there really is a physiological connection between the throat and the vagina. If you are one of those women, this is your extra-sexual-energy zone. You feel the direct connection between mouth/throat and genitals.
There is a quick way to find out if you have the potential to come while giving a blowjob. Suck the head of his penis and pay attention to how your throat is responding. If it seems to quiver or vibrate faintly in time with your sucking, you can do this.
As you are sucking, breathe deeply and rhythmically. Imagine that your breath is a circle of fire inhaled into your nostrils, filling your mouth and throat and exhaled through your genitals. Flex your PC muscle in time with your breathing and sucking. (Do you practice Kegel exercises? A strong PC is required.) Make intense eye contact with him as he nears ejaculation.
You can also make it happen if you learn The Orgasm Loop, my no-fail, even no-hands orgasm technique.
It's a thrilling way to come — especially if your orgasm and his happen simultaneously.
Susan Crain Bakos is a research sexologist, sex journalist, and author.