In Relationships, Are You A Thinker Or A Feeler?

By YourTango

thinking vs feeling
Thinking vs feeling. What's your approach to relationships?

It probably wouldn't surprise you to learn that there's a gender bias around this decision making process. Sixty-six percent of men prefer the Thinking process, while 66 percent of women prefer the Feeling proces. Female Vs Male Brain: Is There A Difference?

Let's take the question of which restaurant to go to for a family reunion. Sixty-six percent of men are likely to ask themselves things like which restaurant is centrally located, which has enough room, or maybe even which has a back room. Sixty-six percent of women are likely to ask themselves things like which restaurant will most of the family enjoy, which will be affordable for everyone so no one feels awkward, and which one they'd like to go to. 


The disparity works for choosing a restaurant, but oh, the havoc this difference brings to relationships. When Mary asked Dave how she looked, she was looking for a subjective answer. "I know you're a bit nervous going to my office party as my new fiancé so I'll do what I can to put you at ease. I'll tell you, you look wonderful." Her Feeling process wanted another person to offer some support. 

Meanwhile, Dave's Thinking process caused him to look at his fiancée and objectively declare she could have worn different shoes. Of course, at that point, right by the door, there was nothing Mary could have done about it. All Dave’s comment did was make Mary feel bad. But Dave wasn't looking at it that way. He was just stating what he believed was the truth. And therein lies the common problem that causes communication crises between men and women. 

The Balancing Act

To create a balanced relationship, both Thinking and Feeling must be given respect; one should not be more valuable than the other. Too often people believe that their preference is the right one while their partner’s is wrong. But in the healthiest relationships, the preferences work in concert. 

Imagine if you were looking to buy a house. You'd probably look for things like a fair price, a good block, and good schools. It might also be important that the house feel like a home, somewhere you can be cozy, a place that will facilitate intimacy or has a room for your hobbies. One must be both objective and logical as well as subjective and personal.

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