When love isn't enough

By

I was twenty when I lost my virginity...I never really cared for sex when I was growing up; sure it was always the topic of discussion with the other kids around me, but I was so afraid of it that I avoided it as much as I could. I made the golden promise to God as a teenager and held out for a very long time. I was never good at talking to guys and still aren't. For personal reasons I become very offended when they talked to me or tried to come on to me. For years I have always asked what is wrong with me am I not attractive? Do guys find me degrading? Do I have a 'Back off' sign on my forehead? 
But then I met this guy (lets call him Runner) when I was 19. He came to work at the restaurant I was working at and we became really good friends. I wasn't really even attracted to him at first but as time progressed so did my feelings for him. I tried to ignore it because I knew it was wrong for me to feel that way.
He was three years younger then me and the baby brother of a good friend of mine. We spent almost every shift together; laughing and teasing each other. Then a few months later my feelings got stronger and stronger and I eventually realized I was falling in love with him. I kept it a secret for almost a year until my best friend and sister confronted me; asking why I was always talking about him and relating every topic of discussion to him. Finally I gave in and told them I was crushing hard over him and loved him with the depths of my soul. We were so much alike and had so many things in common. We shared the same taste for rock music and movies, and we both virgins. We had our own language that no one understood but us. We could know what the other was thinking without a single word or physical connection. All we had to do was look into each others eyes and the truth would reveal itself.
He knew I had never had a boyfriend or even kissed a guy before and didn't tease me like others did. In a way I think he understood my fear. I told him some of my darkest secrets and that I always wanted him in my life and he told me he loved everytime he saw me. I became very comfortable with him and let my guard down so easily when he was near. I finally gave into my heart and told him how I felt. But he was in love with another girl that worked with us and wanted to be with her. She was a cheerleader and very popular at her school with everyone especially the guys. I didn't understand why he was attracted to a girl like that. He always talked about the perfect girl, relationship, and marriage, and I didn't understand how she fit into that catagory. She was easy and had more then one boyfriend but she was also a good friend of mine as well. So I did what most girls would have done...I became even closer friends with her just so I could feel closer to Runner.
She knew how he felt about her and ate it up every chance she got. She would piss him off every time she saw him by talking about her boyfriends and sex life to him. She even talked about her possible pregnancy to a guy she wasn't even that in to.

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