I'm getting really tired of history repeating itself. I know. Odd way to begin a blog, but it sure does set the tone. I'm smart and intelligent (some even describe me as attractive) and yet I can't seem to get my head on straight when it comes to men. I've been fooled by the best of them. For whatever reason, I keep allowing this to happen. My latest debacle is probably the worst, for a couple of reasons - I work with this man and somehow I was clueless about his familial situation - you know, the wife and (now) three kids. (She was pregnant with the third when we got together.) Then to make matters worse, I chose not to end things when I did finally learn the truth. I am still disgusted with myself over that decision, as after having been the victim of serial infidelity, I swore I never wanted any part of making another woman feel the way I did when I learned my boyfriend (love of my life/soul mate) of five years had been dating someone on the side for the better part of nine months. To say I was crushed was an understatement. I responded by getting in the car and not looking back. That was almost four years ago. I wasn't looking to date anyone for a while after that but four months later I got involved with someone else. We dated for a couple of months and then it became a long distance friendship/relationship due to work. Absence made the heart grow fonder and 10 months after we started dating, he proposed. We were engaged all of three months when he decided to break it off. I was devastated. We remained friends and still called and wrote. I had another brief encounter that had a dead end and then nothing for nearly a year. I kept in touch with the former fiance and even toyed with the notion of getting back together with him, since he had changed his mind and decided he wanted to be with me. Since that's what I wanted when he called it off, you'd think that I'd jump at the chance of getting back together with him. No, not so much. Guess I just wasn't that into him anymore. During that year, I don't date anyone at all. There's a guy here and there who catches my eye, but not only does it go nowhere, it doesn't even get started. Then I am pointed in the direction of an online dating site and find a colleague on there. Just so happens this colleague is one of the guys who caught my eye, but I had wondered about his relationship status. I mean, this guy is quite the handsome specimen. We correspond online, me anonymously at first, and once I reveal who I am he is pleased. Turns out the attraction was mutual. Still unclear on the relationship thing, but he placates my worries and my concerns are swept under the rug - for the time being. To be continued...
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