so close yet so far away


i feel so lonely even when you are sitting next to me. i know i have hurt you in the past. for that i am truly sorry. but how can you hold in so much resentment? you seem to regret so much about us. I don't regret much and am learning not to wish only to do and to deal. all i want is for you to love me like you used to, love me as much as i love you. you say that you do, but you don't. you say i have held you back and held you down. I have done everything i can do for you. i don't know what to do besides keep loving you. the resentment sits under the surface like lava, I can feel its warmth flowing in a steady currant waiting for the smallest disturbance to let it out. not a trickle a flow, sometimes an eruption. the resentment is not all just me. you have been in far too many sh**tty circumstances in your life and i try not to add to them. maybe thats what hurts me so bad, I am adding to the hurt that you have experienced far to much of. I love you with all my heart, we hurt each other the most because we love each other the most. i dont want to hurt you and you dont want to hurt me. all i know is that as long as you hold on to all this pain and resentment you cant hold on to me. all i want is to hold you and you hold me back. I want the depth of love we had before life got in the way. i want us to be "us" again. please try and love me again like you used to. my heart breaks more and more every day, but i dont hold it against you, I just with you would let it go and hold on to me. sometimes i need to be told everything is going to be alright, sometimes i need your loving embrace. you say you want the physical relationship back, I do to. but I really just want you. I love you baby dont ever forget that.


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