Comment of the Day 07/21

By

Comment of the Day 07/21

Before we got married, we were told that we needed to agree on a few things 1) how to spend/save and deal with money 2) if we wanted kids. When you first start into a relationship, kids are the furthest thing from your mind, and even if you disagree you somehow think you can make it work. But for whatever evolutionary reason, its hard to renegotiate money and children.  Coconut Ice shares her struggle with this issue in a very open and honest way in response to the article "He Wants Kids, You Don't. Now What?"

I can relate to only the problem....... I was previously married for 19yrs to a sometimes (not all the time) violent man. I was 22 when I had my first child and 27 with my second. They are now 17&12 and i have been separated for 2yrs.. For the past 20months I have been seeing a lovely man 5yrs younger than myself (im 40). Only a month or so into our relationship he asked the question...Would I have anymore children. My def answer was no. And has been a constant No all along...... He had also been married for 11yrs and his wife decided to end it. His wife had always said she would have children but all along really didnt want them... Of cause he feels cheated by this and over the last few months his feelings for his own child has become stronger. Today he has finished the relationship with me as I wont change my mind about having his child..
I am very torn, I love him and in a lot of ways would love to have his child, but I feel resentment also as my view had never changed and he always knew my feelings on this. Ive tried to explain the risks of becoming pregnant at 40 but all he goes on about is he wants someone to carry on his name..Well thats never been an issue for us women has it!!! still dont know what to do...

I don't think there are easy answers. But I wish you a lot of of luck and thank you so much for being open about your struggles. I know it helps other people on this site.

PARTNER POSTS