(Mis)adventures in Dating a Clown


 I knew that if I watched any part of it, I’d be scarred for life.  Reading the liner notes just confirmed my worst fears.  In the seedy world of clown porn, there’s a lot more that goes on than juggling and pie throwing.  Honking or horn blowing heralds an orgasm, circus music plays in the background, and clownsomes are standard.  I put down the DVD but couldn’t stop my mind from racing:  Do clowns tie their genitals into animal shapes? (Look, now it’s a dick and shazam; now it’s a duck.) Do they shoot confetti out of their cannon when they come?  And when the fright wigs come off and lights dim, are the stars still panting on the outside but crying on the inside?

A furtive google search confirmed that yes; there is subculture of clown porn actors and aficionados.  One of the leading figures in the clown-dom category is “Ouchy”, whose "Nice to Beat You"expertise includes his evil clown act, complete with bondage, hot wax and genital straight razor shaving. He brings new meaning to slapstick.  

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