But back to the date. He was perfectly pleasant, in a Future Farmers of America kind of way, and the conversation was just what you’d expect. His opening gambit was “What’s your favorite song from Mama Mia?," which then led into a spirited discussion of the effect of bot flies on the brain. I could go on, but you can connect the polka dots. No sparks or sparkling bon mots. By the time the salads arrived, he was waxing rapturously about his love affair with the dulcimer. I decided that a double scotch with a xanax chaser would get me through yet another episode of As the World Spurns. At the end of the evening, I evaded a kiss on the cheek, declined his invitation to go back to his apartment to listen to his original recordings of Edith Piaf and peeled out of the parking lot. (Word to the Wise: always, always take your own car).
You have to hand it to Paris Hilton—she knows how to land an athlete.
Paris has been linked to professional boxer Oscar de la Hoya, football linebacker Brian Urlacher, professional skateboarder Chad Muska, football quarterback Matt Leinart, ice hockey player Jose Theodore, tennis player Andy Roddick and soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo.