Crashing into that brickwall

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Crashing into that brickwall

  I don't even know where to begin this blog since I made such a glowing report yesterday, today I find myself crushed. I was blindsided by a  whopper of a reality check, and I guess the only person I can blame is myself. I expected to much, read to much into it, had my hopes up to far, had my ...you name it it was there thing. 
  Last night I was IMing with my friend (with benefits) and happened to pull up his facebook page as I was doing so. And lo' and behold my comments were missing from his page. At first I thought that can't be right and didn't think much of it. But this morning I checked his page again and they're not there. I was completely flabbergasted, still am.
  Being that he's the first black man I've had a relationship with I'm really not sure how to take this. I feel like he's ashamed of me, since I'm the only white female on his friends list. Did my commenting cause some kinda drama with his other black lady friends? I don't know, he's never said. He's never told me not to comment and I don't think I said anything in my comments that was overly personal. So why would he delete my comments?
   And why am I so stung by the fact that he did? Yes I had hoped we'd grow our friendship into something more. I was even thinking we were headed in that general direction again. But now I realize that everything I thought wasn't at all.

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