In a story that would make STD-from-the-toilet-seat proud, tennis player Richard Gasquet told the International Tennis Federation that he tested positive for cocaine because of a make-out session. I Visited An S&M Club

Gasquet swore (with a straight face) that he sucked face with some random chick (who's lips must've been caked in the good stuff) at some nightclub. Therefor, he theorizes, the cocaine particles traveled from her mouth to his lips and into his urine. It's biology!

Amazingly enough, the the tribunal panel bought it and gave him the green light to resume playing. The lawyers say he had "less than a grain of salt" in his system and penalizing him for the entire two years instituted by the World Anti-Doping Agency wouldn't be fair. He was, however, suspended for a little over two months after the dirty pee sample in early May.

Wow. Well. I guess the lesson learned here is to be extra particular who you kiss with a drug test looming. Oh, and also be a very wealthy sports star with amazing lawyers. And for the love of God read up more thoroughly on how long drugs stay in your system.