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The Upside Of Adversarial Relations

hate sex

Sometimes sexual tension begets some really great hate sex.

I've been warned by my editor to keep this one as classy as possible. Will try my best, suckahs.

My homegirls at (Em & Lo, natch), let their man panel loose on this query: Do dudes like bitchy women? (If they'd said, "Riddle me this, do boys like brassy broads," I'd have said "yes," and written ad nauseum about my love for Steven Spielberg's wife's, Kate Capshaw, in Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom).

The guys give great answers but the Straight Married Guy goes on a tangent that I dig. His tangent involves the concept of hate-f*cking.

For the uninitiated, hate-f*cking is consensual relations with someone you generally despise but are A) attracted to and B) possessing enough sexual tension that you could support the Golden Gate Bridge and have enough left over to tighten 100 grand pianos with it.

I'd like to point out that hate f*cking is not misogyny. Nor is it actually violent. It's the overwhelming urge to give below-the-waist high-fives to someone you'd rather not even talk to (or possibly even look at).

Once walls of polite society crumble that enmity can turn nuclear-flavored Buffalo wings hot. I rarely feel qualified to speak for all guys, but know this: all guys either like the hate sex or would like to give it a try. This may explain why Paris Hilton remained so popular for so long (women want to have her life, men want to have her @ss). 

Where does the sexy anger come from? Good question. Sometimes it's political. Like when Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) tells Celeste Cunningham (Edie Falco) that he wants to kiss her to prevent her from saying crazy things (Season 2 of 30 Rock). Sometimes the rationale has more to do with general distaste (See Cheers' Sam with both Diane and Rebecca). And sometimes it's an adversarial relationship giving way to grudging respect (when The Simpsons' Lisa marries the Englishman Hugh). And other times, it's just two horny people who need to let off some steam* with a person whom they inexplicably find attractive on the outside but utterly repulsive on the inside. 

Sure, sometimes a hickey gets not unintentionally left behind. Sometimes something or other gets squeezed a little too roughly. Sometimes a bite isn't exactly a nibble. Maybe some DNA-containing material might end up somewhere it oughtn't. And maybe once the frantic flush flees, both parties will have some regrets or avowals to never let that happen again. These are not reasons to hate the hate sex. The only really good reason to hate hate sex is that the carnal feelings have a way of being mistaken for actual feelings and a really bad relationship (based exclusively on sex) can start.

I'm pretty sure that roughly (heh?) 50% of ex sex cases contain at least a modicum of hate f*cking by a minimum of one party.

Any experiences with hate sex? Anyone have a better term for it? Anyone think that the Clintons have anything other than enmity intercourse in the last 30 years?

*Or fire all of your guns at once and explode into space.


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