Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Oral Sex Inhibitions

Oral Sex Inhibitions

I am a single man in my forties living in New York. While I have no problems meeting women and dating, I have a hard time performing oral sex on the women with whom I become intimate. Many of them have called me selfish. How can you help?'s Sex&Intimacy Expert Cathy Beaton's Answer:

You should know that not everyone performs oral sex on their partners, even in the best relationships where the idea of being selfish does not enter the equation. You might first try showering together so each of you is clean and have fun under the water, touching and teasing- then have oral sex (if you are uncertain about how to please your partner, ask her). If that doesn't make the act easier for you, be certain that you learn what other things your partner enjoys during foreplay-listen, learn and spend enough time pleasuring her in ways that turn her on-don't hold back on the time, affection and attention she needs and desires.

Oral sex is an intensely emotional and physical component of sexual intimacy but not doing it doesn't have to be a deal breaker. If you are referred to as selfish because it is something you avoid, find out why your partner feels that way by initiating the conversation. For a committed couple, emotionally connected to each other, talking will help your partner understand that avoiding oral sex is about you and that your intention is to not reject her. But your responsibility doesn't end there- with love and curiosity, find other ways to satisfy her.


Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.

Explore YourTango