Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t been on a date in awhile. I promise it’s not for lack of trying—I’ve been scouring Nerve in search of interesting dating profiles, with little luck. I try not to be judgmental—after all, I wasn’t getting many virtual winks until my wonderful readers helped me polish up my profile. But a lot of the women on Nerve are making very basic mistakes that instantly turn off most guys. Here are the four most common offenses:
1. Don’t pose for pictures. When checking out the photos on a dating profile, I always remind myself that I’m seeing the subject at her absolute best. And that’s OK—it only makes sense to put up your most flattering photos. But I hate it when women do that pouty, Blue Steel thing whenever someone pulls out a camera. A funny candid shot goes a lot further with me. (And if you’re really into honesty, try taking a shot from the windowseat angle.)
2. Don’t complain about the last guy. Too many women (and maybe men?) use their profile to complain about former dates. For instance, there was a cute blonde girl who almost got a message from me until I read the following: “No vegans, uber-hipsters or pervs. No exceptions.” Uh, OK. I’m none of the above, but she sounds a little bitter, no? Facebook Manners And You
3. Don’t overshare. While I instantly skip profiles that only feature one photo and a few uninformative scraps of personal information, there’s something to be said for a little mystery. I’m talking to you, Ms. 915-Word-“About Me”-Section. A few choice lines from her unreal profile:
“I'm a yungian (sp) INFP personality type... an introvert with an exhibitionist and loquasious (sp) side.”
I LOOK MUCH BETTER IN PERSON, AND NORMALLY DRESS MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN IN THESE PHOTOs... I'm very busty (DD) and CURVACEOUS (back n'front...like jlo- but not puerto rican or short).
I have a collection of almost 200 books, many of which I have read, poured (sp) over, and highlighted.
And she even has a poem:
You'd look good in denim and a t-shirt,
and be some sort of perfect combination of blue collar and white collar.
You're someone who still knows what it means to be a man.
Maybe I could watch you work on cars in the summer,
while I sip on ice cold Pink lemonade by the window,
in a dress,
4) Don’t make your pet a focal point. I get it—you care very much for Mr. Snugglebuttons, and it’s important for your guy to also be an animal lover. Fair enough. But take it too far and I begin to wonder if you’re looking for a boyfriend or someone to clean the litter box. Animal Aphrodisiacs: Do Pets Help Us Date?
Fellow online daters, what are the most common mistakes you've come across? Would you ever include a poem on your profile? What are some online dating DOs?