One of the mistakes Jon and Kate made was "putting their kids first." Every time I heard them say that phrase, it was like nails on a chalkboard to my ears. If they had just devoted some time to their relationship, I believe they wouldn't have found themselves divorcing and creating such trauma and drama for the entire family. 7 Things Jon & Kate Can Teach Us About Love
To be a good mother or a good father, you must start by being a good wife and a good husband. If your emotional needs are not being met by your husband, you will try to fulfill these needs through your kids or elsewhere, which will not be healthy or positive for the marriage or for your kids. Your husband will also reach outside the marriage to get his emotional and physical needs met. Remember, your esteem as a partner is not the same as your esteem as a parent, but they do directly impact each other.
Do not think your marriage can survive until the children are 18 and off to college unless you start dedicating real time and real energy to your relationship. I always tell my couples that you are not just setting an example as a mother and father, but even more importantly, your children are watching you to see what it means to be a wife and a husband.