Key To Finding A Good Man? Self-Respect
Video Vixen Karrine Steffans urges women to value themselves if they want to find Mr. Right.
Trust me, ladies, I understand that you're human and in need of affection and intimacy. But what I also understand is that in this sexually adventurous age, we spend most of our sexual life on people who do not truly love us. The act of loving is so much deeper than most of us realize or ever experience. It is not just an emotion but also a way of being. It is a decision, a vow. If you don't make a decision about the value you place on yourself and your emotions, you can and will probably be violated somehow. I'm not trying to make it sound like you're the reason for the bad behavior of the men in your life. That is certainly not true. Some people just aren't good people, no matter what you do or who you are. But if you pay attention and are thinking clearly, you'll be able to spot a person like this a mile away. If you are not so desperate, so lacking in self-confidence, empowerment, and worth, then you should be able to sift through the men who do not mean you well.
From THE VIXEN MANUAL by Karrine Steffans. Copyright © 2009 by Corinthian Order. Used by permission of Grand Central Publishing. All rights reserved.
Discussion
In my younger years, (yes, younger years!), I had always allowed men to treat me poorly. Only because I had not yet understood the dynamics of a relationship. I allowed them to tell me what I wanted to hear, "play" me into giving them what they wanted, i.e. money, rides, time, food etc. Whatever my "whatever" was, they were getting it (though I was most inclined to not give 'it' up...).
I think a lot of this has to do with upbringing. I lived in a very controlling environment. Both parents trying to control each other, both parents controlling both children. It was very hard to establish at a young age where the boundaries should have been drawn. Thankfully, at my ripe old age of 35, I have grown to understand what a real relationship looks like. You know, kinda sorta through addition and subtraction of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
When it comes right down to it, love and relationships are not a game and NONE of them are ever the same. They are real; they are tangible; they are something that all of us are striving to find and are thriving to look forward to at any age.
It's innate, or human, for all of us to "need" someone. To "need someone to love", to be loved by someone. No matter how you look at it, no text book, no hard cover book, no Boarders coupon, no on-line article will ever give you what you are looking for. You have to find it for yourself... with your own patience and within your own time. Anything worth having takes time and patience, and understanding and perhaps a little growing up. Anything that comes too easily, beware.
I think woman that need to always lead men are telling the man she is either better then he or he is not what she want or she does not trust him. Relationships are not not built on one person pulling the other around by the ring in his/ or her nose.
These tips should be so common-sense, but unfortunately most of us learn the hard way. Good story with a useful takeaway -- thanks guys!
I agree that it is true that often women allow men to treat them poorly. This is not the case with abuse and when men are bad people, but for some "good guys" will still try and get away with a lot if a woman lets them. They are often still kind of children that way.
