Key To Finding A Good Man? Self-Respect
Video Vixen Karrine Steffans urges women to value themselves if they want to find Mr. Right.
Once the rules changed for women, the expectations of marriage, monogamy, and fidelity did as well. Men have been following us all this time and we have led them to what they, in general, have now become. As a gender, we set the tone. If none of us ever fell for bad boys, there would be no bad-boy stories to tell. It's my personal belief that even though men go through so-called bad-boy periods, they really want to be respectful to women. They want to be loved and cared for, just like us. But why doesn't that happen? you ask. Because we get in the way. If we don't know how to demand respect, love, appreciation, and care, then even the most well-meaning man will be unable to meet those needs for us.
How many of you have dated a man only to watch him treat you—and the other women he's simultaneously dating—badly, without remorse or regard for the impact of his behavior? Then, miraculously it seems, that same no-good man suddenly turns his life around, settles down with one woman, and becomes the model husband. How can it be? This is the part where most clueless women will say, "He cheated on me, so he'll cheat on her, too." But what if he doesn't?
The truth is, most men only do what they want to and you can never make them be or do something that makes no sense to them. The extended truth is that some women, based on how little they value themselves, are only good for having sex with. Some are just good for living with. Some are the kind you come close to marrying, but not quite. But when a man meets a woman who has it all together, both for himself and herself, then he can make a life-changing decision in what might seem like the blink of an eye. This is the one, he says to himself. No one else compares to her. If this makes him a dog, then it most certainly puts you in the category of one of his bitches if he has merely sexed you or consumed years of your life with cohabitation but no permanent commitment, and then moved on. Watch: Will Living Together Ruin Your Relationship?
There were plenty of men in my life who have treated me horribly, but they would have never had the chance to do so if I hadn't let them. Those same men who treated me poorly were kind and respectful to others, because that's what those others demanded of them. A man will treat you according to what he sees you'll allow. What you need to understand is that it is never too late or too early to change; even if you've been mistreated, you can still do something about it. Quiz: Do You Fall For Bad Boys?
Discussion
In my younger years, (yes, younger years!), I had always allowed men to treat me poorly. Only because I had not yet understood the dynamics of a relationship. I allowed them to tell me what I wanted to hear, "play" me into giving them what they wanted, i.e. money, rides, time, food etc. Whatever my "whatever" was, they were getting it (though I was most inclined to not give 'it' up...).
I think a lot of this has to do with upbringing. I lived in a very controlling environment. Both parents trying to control each other, both parents controlling both children. It was very hard to establish at a young age where the boundaries should have been drawn. Thankfully, at my ripe old age of 35, I have grown to understand what a real relationship looks like. You know, kinda sorta through addition and subtraction of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
When it comes right down to it, love and relationships are not a game and NONE of them are ever the same. They are real; they are tangible; they are something that all of us are striving to find and are thriving to look forward to at any age.
It's innate, or human, for all of us to "need" someone. To "need someone to love", to be loved by someone. No matter how you look at it, no text book, no hard cover book, no Boarders coupon, no on-line article will ever give you what you are looking for. You have to find it for yourself... with your own patience and within your own time. Anything worth having takes time and patience, and understanding and perhaps a little growing up. Anything that comes too easily, beware.
I think woman that need to always lead men are telling the man she is either better then he or he is not what she want or she does not trust him. Relationships are not not built on one person pulling the other around by the ring in his/ or her nose.
These tips should be so common-sense, but unfortunately most of us learn the hard way. Good story with a useful takeaway -- thanks guys!
I agree that it is true that often women allow men to treat them poorly. This is not the case with abuse and when men are bad people, but for some "good guys" will still try and get away with a lot if a woman lets them. They are often still kind of children that way.
