Too Soon?


Too Soon?

Here it is, a year later, and I suppose things are going good.  We have our moments, but we aren't really that far from where we were, in my opinion.  I haven't really been able to pull him out of the other circle because I don't have another circle to put him in.  Obviously I don't sleep with the FRIEND/FAMILY circle members because that would be awkward.  I don't usually have feelings for anyone in the OTHER circle.  There isn't another catagory to place him in, so I basically avoid and conversations about my feelings and our status.

Hell, I don't even really call him my boufriend.  Seems like the wrong term for someone in his place.  I call him my guy or the person I'm seeing, or some other euphemistic term for the man I shag and sometimes have dinner with.  I'm sure we had a conversation about this, but I've blocked out the results of that encounter. 


Is this because I overstepped my own boundaries when it comes to dealing with men?  I probably shouldn't have answered the phone after that night.  I had planned on giong on about my happy (not really) little life.  Had I known he was being serious when he told me he was looking for a real relationship, I would have held back, but I figured he was just spittin' game, and I was out to get what I wanted.  Had I known he would bring up marriage and love, I would have thought more carefully about how I handled myself.  I would have presented myself as a woman worthy of his affections, and I would have looked at him as the man who desired my whole self, not the the guy who's just as horny as I am.  In a way, it feels tainted. 

It can never reach it's full potential.  I may always have it in the back of my mind that he thinks I only good for one thing and that I don't even desire more out of life than that. 

Maybe it was too soon.