When Self-Help Books Backfire
New research suggests those with low self-esteem may not benefit from self-help babble.
After a string of rough break-ups, it may seem logical (and healthy!) to order the newest "How To (insert helpful adjective) (insert love-like adjective) Better." Or something of that nature. Steve Harvey Advises Ladies To Think Like Men
We've all been there. Lord knows a particularly inspired Oprah can do wonders for the commercial break checkout lines at Barnes and Noble.
However, new research has surfaced that those who truly suffer from low self-esteem may not benefit from the self-help babble so many therapists and licensed this-or-thats swear upon. In fact, it may make it worse. According to a study in Psychological Science, repeating self-helpy phrases like "I am a lovable person" greases up those depressive, psychoanalytical wheels. The person doing the self-talking may think: But am I really a lovable person—I feel silly.
"They found that, paradoxically, low self-esteem participants' moods fared better when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative thoughts. The psychologists suggested that, like overly positive praise, unreasonably positive self-statements, such as "I accept myself completely," can provoke contradictory thoughts in individuals with low self-esteem.
Makes sense. Even repeating to yourself: "Yeah. He's just not that into me" can backfire. While the objective may be to learn self-respect, perhaps some just dwell on He Doesn't Like Me. 5 Things I Hate About My Marriage
Good news for those who think they rock, though. The study found that those who have positive self-esteem quite enjoy telling themselves they're wonderful. In fact, positive self-statements only seemed to benefit those who needed them the least.
Discussion
I don't know.... This is my conundrum. I think I rock. I think I am awesome. Hell, my cat worships me!! But I did grow up in a very negative family. Negative reinforcement from my mother on not being pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough... blah, blah, blah. Sometimes, those thoughts creep back into my head. Though I know that they are no longer "true" statements, there will always be a part of me that will feel completely inadequate. But I think that they pop up at different times, depending on the scenario.
Say, for instance, if I have just been shot down for a date, I feel all those statements circle around my head. But then I realize too, it's not me, I rock! He MUST have a problem! LOL I know, sounds a little self-centered, but I figure out of all the years I was beat down and stepped on by my mother of all people, I deserve to talk myself up. And there are a lot of people who completely agree with me, so it's all good, right? ;o)
It makes sense. Self-esteem is basically how you feel about yourself. How can anyone tell you how you should feel about yourself? Sometimes, people have to go through things to get it out of their system. It's not always about a positive word, or a kind deed. When you've been hurt, cry it out. You grieve the end of a relationship the same as you grieve the end of a loved one's life. It hurts; it's a loss; there were good times that won't be shared anymore; all you have are memories. Eventually, you should be able to move on, but it's not always at the pace that those around you think it should be.