Why We Fantasize And What's Normal
By Divine Caroline. Posted on .
Even those of us that admit to fantasizing are reluctant to discuss what it is that gets us going. Ninety-five percent of the research subjects had never detailed their fantasies to another person. While some fantasies might be better left undisclosed—such as revealing to a new partner that you think about an ex while having sex with him—we don't even talk about our imaginative sexual escapades with friends. Erotic fantasy is taboo. How To Tell Him Your Fantasies
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Many people suffer shame and guilt about the perverse nature of their fantasies, even though what we think of as "perverse" may actually be quite common. Though a typical and unremarkable fantasy for both men and women is dreaming about sex with their current partner, Kahr also found that bondage, incest, sadomasochism, and voyeurism are also part of the varied fantasy life of "normal" people. Should Fantasies Be "PC"?
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Shame regarding sexual fantasies may stem from earlier notions about the role of fantasy in our lives. In the 1900s, some psychoanalysts interpreted "kinky" sexual fantasies as being caused by "kinky" desires or wishes. Strange fantasies were often treated as pathology.
But we now know that fantasies are no more pathologic than masturbation. They allow us to think about doing something we would never actually do, or about things we've done before and would like to do again. (An ex-flame, for instance.) They allow us to sleep with celebrities. (You and me, Robert Downey Jr., just you and me.) Furthermore, fantasy may help our sex lives by increasing desire and arousal; those who fantasize frequently also tend to have more sex. And cerebral foreplay has certainly helped millions (billions? trillions?) of masturbations end in success.
