How To Combat Post-Sex Regret
Learn how to cure post-sex regret.
You know, there's a significant group of people out there who think sex is overrated. We've met them, and while it seems like an asinine thing to say, we think we know why. Unhappy Marriages Really Stress Women Out
Sex, one of life's most treasured sources of pleasure, can leave some feeling—well—how do we say this?
Unfulfilled.
Yeah. That's how we say it. 10 Simple Things Women Want
And not necessarily in a physical kind of a way (although many of us also walk away orgasm-free. Two for the price of one!), but emotionally. Something is just kind of "eh" about it all.
It might be easy to write off post-sex regret as a stereotypical female ailment. In the same league as all those tireless searches for the phantom G-spot or the stare-at-phone virus that infects some of us after the words "I'll call you."
However, Fox's "sexpert" Yvonne Fulbright says this morning-after regret, or The Coyote Syndrome (where one has the urge to gnaw off their arm to get out of a situation) actually claims both male and female victims. Stop us if you've heard this one before, but oxytocin might have something to do with all this.
Oxytocin is the chemical released post-orgasm that makes us want to cuddle. And on a deeper level, some scientists think oxytocin speeds up an emotional bond right after a physical one, leaving us ladies craving a more deep connection.
While we would argue one shouldn't logically expect a soul mate in the making after casual sex, Fulbright has a few tips to reduce pose-sex regret. To trick your body (and thus your mind) from immediately wishing you'd just gone home alone.
Don’t fake orgasm: Let your partner know what gets you going, giving a show-and-tell if need be. Arm yourselves with knowledge, books chock full of ideas, sexual enhancement products ... anything you need to invite greater sexual response.
Cuddle: Snuggling post-sex can do wonders for both him and her. Contrary to popular belief, plenty of men love to cuddle. Some desire it more than women, in part because men also release oxytocin in sexually peaking. So their bodies are also encouraging some bonding during and post-sex with this hormonal high.
Discussion
I always associated post-sex regret with regretting that you had sex with someone, not wishing they would stay awake to satisfy your neediness. Now, maybe I'm in the non-cuddling catagory because I don't have sex to fill my emotional needs, and I find that it's much easier to relagate sex to the same department as going to the gym, grocery shopping, and getting the oil changed. Sure, it's a part of my life, but I don't need someone to hug me after I buy spinach. My guy has a tendancy to fall asleep after the sun goes down. If he is in the bed, it's over if he isn't moving. I take the time afterwards to surf the internet, watch the TV, or poke him so he stops snoring.
Now, I bet most women aren't like me in that respect and require some sort of mental intimacy. If that's the case, you should talk to your guy before anything ever goes down and let him know that after hay-rolling, you require him to fawn over you and talk about how wonderful your sex was (even though you were both there). You can't expect a man to read your mind, and luckily, most men are willing to comply, some are even eager for snuggles. It's all about what you want and then letting him know.
Perhaps she identifies it as not being surprised if your guy falls asleep after 30 seconds of cuddling. I don't know. I've rarely ever fallen asleep afterwards. Usually good sex wakes me up, unless I was already dead tired...then I sleep like a baby.
