What We Learn From Gov. Sanford's Love E-mails
Maria Belen Shapur and South Carolina governor already in hot water; e-mails don't help.
Following a long line of notable affairs—A-Rod and Madonna, Eliot Spitzer and an escort, and Jon and Kate's various trysts—South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford recently revealed he's been having an affair with a woman in Argentina.
Of course, this is after Gov. Sanford (previously only noteworthy for refusing Pres. Obama's stimulus funds) disappeared and then reappeared, claiming to have gone hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Unfortunately for the family-friendly governor, his cover story happened to highlight Naked Hiking Day. Man, some people just can't catch a break. Read: Why I Cheated
To add insult to injury, The State, Columbia-S.C.'s daily newspaper, got their hands on exclusive e-mails between the now-disgraced governor and his senorita from South America, Maria Belen Shapur, from almost a year ago. Of course, you can read all the boring, voyeuristic details about the love affair, or you can be like us... and read the article to glean love tips from the philandering duo. Read: The Other Woman: What A Mistress Knows
From Sanford and Shapur's e-mails we learn:
1. Always compliment your significant other. Sanford calls Maria "special, unique and fabulous," all things anyone wants to hear. And to boot, he tells her that she doesn't need therapy, which—we suspect—followed Senorita Maria fishing for a compliment about how loco she is. Either way, Sanford knows how to praise his woman.
2. Pet names are important. Sanford takes to calling Maria "dearest," and she later ups the ante to "beloved," telling him, "I hope you change the dearest." No one wants to be called dude or girl, but certain pet names hold different meanings. Such as, babe—or even baby—sounds slightly demeaning while sweetie or muffin seems... well, overly sugary. And please, don't even get us started on "pooh bear."
3. Follow through on promises. Since these e-mails were from a year ago and Sanford was just discovered now, he was obviously doing something right. And, when he told Maria he was going to pick up the movie, Holiday, we're betting he actually did it. Now, whether it's the 1930's version of Holiday or the newer Cameron Diaz-Kate Winslet chick flick, The Holiday, we're not sure. However, the point remains: gifts make for a happy mistress.
Discussion
This whole cheating thing is just bogus nonsense, people change, how many of your high school or even college friends are still your best buddy. The person married at 25 is not the same person at 45. Sometimes people grow apart because they grow up different, if you were an outdoor enthusiat at 25, you maybe into chess by 45, doesn't mean your partner has to follow the same path.. maybe they will, maybe they won't. Why don't we just recognize that people grow apart, and need others. The reason men get it in the neck, is that by 45 there are a lot more women interested in them than in their partner.
So this is not about cheating but about jealously and insecurity. So stop this cheating nonsense and address the real issue, slim pickens for married women over 40
I don't buy the "people grow apart" argument. Love and marriage require time. You make a choice to spend time together so that you stay connected over the years. At some point you have to be committed to putting in the effort.
That doesn't mean you can't have other friends who meet some of your needs that your partner doesn't meet. You can play chess without your partner sometimes. You just can't replace your partner with a lover.
In Sandford's case, I don't think he grew apart from his wife. I think he found a hot, smart woman that he wanted to sleep with. He didn't believe in doing that, so he let himself fall into a romance as a way to justify his feelings.
A married person has got no business "hanging out" with someone of the opposite sex. Reminds me of an old saying, "If you hang out at the barber shop, you're eventually gonna get a haircut".
Business relations often put men and women together. That's why such meetings should always be out in the open in as much as possible. All marriages have their bad days. People of the opposit sex may exist as 'friends' and become very comfortable being alone together for whatever reasons, over a long period of time. But, particularly if they both find eachother attractive, all it take is for each of them to be having a rough time in their marriage, and the temptation of turning it into a 'good day' can be too overwhelming. It all boils down to "how much do you value your marriage?" The time to decide that is before you put yourself in a possibly compromising situation. Denying such things could happen is really only fooling yourself.
The moment Gov. Sanford decided to meet with Maria in private, he had already decided he didn't value his own marriage, or his wife, very much. Affairs don't just 'happen'. They happen because we behave wrecklessly and without 'due care'.
On another note reguarding the Sanfords, I'm very impressed with the way Mrs.Sanford has handled things. 1. His position as Governor is "NONE of her concern". (Really, since their marriage was NONE of his concern). 2. Unlike many politicians wives of late, she told him to move out immediately--so she could look her children in the eye and maintain some dignity. She's got class and a spine(more that what could be said of him).
I WOULD BE SURPRISED IF HE DIDNT HAVE A MISTRESS!
Ruth you are wrong. First political marriages are about power. This is a couple who has ambitions. Friends and lover are not necessarily a threat. Yes you read that right. 50years ago agents would have informed everyone who needed to know.
I have many female friends many who at one time or another were lovers. I have had friends who were lovers with me who had other lovers. The friendship stayed. I have friends (female) with whom I had not interest sexually although we slept in the same bed. The difference is emotional and sexual maturity.
Many American women see a threat everywhere and act badly that is a real killer. The only thing I have against these is the cowardice. I would tell her exactly what I'd doing so there are no surprises. If she tattles she is history that quick. We do not know what their relationship is/was like. And it is none of our business.
Gov. Mark Sanford’s affair highlights the danger of opposite sex friendships. Far too many people underestimate the danger of close friendships with members of the opposite sex, because they start out innocently enough. In the early stages, there is no sex involved. Very often, the person involved in this type of friendship does not realize how much of a threat it can be to his or her marriage or relationship. If the situation is not put into check, this strong bond of friendship will progress to emotional infidelity, which will eventually lead to sexual infidelity. More information here http://bit.ly/RhumY
Sorry Ruth, I can't agree with you there. While I've had proof of what you say in my life (exes that cheated on me with would be friends) its not because they made friends with a guy that eventually led them to cheat. Both of them had a lot of issues with relationships and their own poor self esteem. I have many female friends, the really close ones being exes, and have no problem with keeping these friendships both platonic and from evolving into something more. I've always found it a cop-out to blame an opposite sex friend for your partner's infidelity. Either there was a problem with the relationship, a problem with your partner, or no problem at all but no real chance of the relationship going any further either.
The problem isn't in the new friend. Its with the person making the new friend and how responsible they are towards themselves and their partners.
Oh, and I've had girlfriends that quite often made many new guy friends...and never cheated on me in any way. Did I ever get jealous? No, because I make it a goal to really understand who my partner is and if they are worth my time, and if they are then they have my trust.
