An honest look at what it's really like when a marriage ends...for good.
By julie d. andrews — Written on Jun 23, 2009
It's refreshing to read an article on divorce that offers a raw glimpse of what a man or woman may be going through when the decision is made to call it quits.
With piercing honesty, Sandra Tsing Loh writes in The Atlantic about the dissolution of her marriage. She tells us what it's like when two people, who once stood beside each another eager to start the rest of their lives together, are left wondering, "Now what?"
We highly suggest you carve out 20 minutes today to read this article in its entirety. Loh's complex sentiments poke through the lines. In spots she is apologizing, she is explaining, she is feeling sad. She brings up two points that hit really home with us:
1) All relationships take work. This theme comes up again and again, no matter if you are single and dating or have been married for 12-plus years. The difficulty is that opinions on the subject vary wildly. There's a school that says: love should come naturally. And if it doesn't, perhaps we're forcing nothing into being something amorous that it's just not meant to be.
The flip side, or school on the other end of the block, says that all healthy, solid relationships require work (you know, the 'plants need water and sunlight to grow and thrive' theory). And if you're not willing to put in the work, well then, you can kiss your strong relationship (and its ability to withstand obstacles) good-bye. We admit that on this very point we remain undecided.
2) No hating, being disappointed in, or scorning the divorced. Loh, 47, writes that just because her marriage isn't going to work out this does not mean that she or her ex-husband do not believe in the institution of marriage. You can sense, shining through, the sentiments of a woman who does not want to be judged or feel like she is letting anyone down because she is getting divorced. Read: Divorce 101
She sat through the marriage counseling; she and her husband (who early-on she mentions travels 20 weeks a year) reared the kids; she gave it her best. This is a reminder to all that rarely does anyone plan to or want to get divorced. Sometimes though—despite all those good and hopeful, fiery and romantic intentions—things fall apart, love fades away. Divorce happens. Loh reminds us that it's not a quick-fix, easy road.
Readers, what's your take: Should relationships come naturally or does a good one require work?