As some of you possibly know, I had the pleasure of being part of Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal's Dating Boot Camp (it was four weeks of tough, tough love). I was the guy that you didn't want to date (for myriad reasons). Just kidding, I was on a their panel of men (a man panel, if you will). It was our task to take questions from the ladies, ponder for three seconds and echo what Matt and Tamsen  just said. Just kidding, we were there to give brutally honest and/ or hilarious answers to questions small and large.

As far as Matt and Tamsen go, they started from the beginning with the "enemy": men folk. Just kidding. No one's really anyone's enemy up in h're [sic], it's just that the behavior of the opposite sex is sometimes wholly incomprehensible to the point that we seem alien to each other (or something). The point was to educate women to the different kind of "players" on the field (player as in playa and field as in "love is a battlefield"). Many of these men are (wait for the shocking part) are just on the prowl for easy sex and are willing to move on to the next thing if there's no connection. Some of them (us) are just really sly about it (evidently, that's what some people call "nice guys" and other call "pansies"). 

For this reason, Matt and Tamsen embrace a 90-day rule. Per the policy, penetrative intercourse is to be abstained from for 90 days from the first date (the first date counts as day one). Outer-course is inbounds. The man panel (this week consisting of Adam Rich, Thrillist.com, Ted Scofield, SexySlang.com, Michael Somerville, MichaelSomerville.com, Max Gross, From Schlub To Stud, and some Tom Miller guy) groaned a bit at this one but was quickly whipped back into obedience by electrodes attached to our undercarriages. Just kidding, they attached the electrodes to our prostates (which roughly 10% of enjoyed). My new homey, LostPlum, sort of digs waiting. Though sexual compatibility ranks high on her list of important stuff, the first time with someone is supposed to be memorable. The best question from the audience was from a septuagenarian and she wondered how to get men 40 years her junior into committed relationships. Everyone is still a little uncomfortable from that one.

Week two was all about the look men love. Matt and Tamsen, both charming good-lookers, know that men are very interested in physical attraction (to get the ball rolling) and need that hook right off-the-bat. For this reason, they insist that women drop the frumpy and get with the plump-y. Just kidding, that doesn't mean anything. They just know that a man's eyes are connected to his groin and his groin has a secure line to his metaphorical heart.