Adoption Or IVF: Do We Have To Decide?

Each day was like hopping from one large egg-shell to another, hoping no cracks emerged. Every day we felt our odds were improving—until they didn't. How Couples Cope With Infertility

The doctors couldn't explain why the cells of our embryo stopped growing. But because the other pregnancy was proceeding, it was different this time.

Yes, we mourned. But this time there was no talk of having another IVF. We switched tracks.

A sense of surreal anticipation set in. We began to do things together, bonding over all the things we suddenly needed to learn (and of course, the things we needed to buy). We were drawn into a vortex of "Holy shit! This is happening!"

We were about to become parents.

Which is how late one Sunday night we found ourselves sitting in the waiting room of the Seventh Day Adventist Hospital in the Simi Valley, about 30 minutes from our home, waiting with an assortment of folks whom we knew not at all but with whom we would soon share a connection.

At five of midnight, we heard a cry and then were allowed in the room to hold our daughter. From the moment I held her, I felt complete. Our daughter had made us a family. The next day, not even 12 hours later, we drove home with our baby.

In embracing the adoption, I finally had the "motility" that I was missing. I had moved—in mind, spirit, and geography.

That's when I realized: the reason I moved to California was to meet my daughter.