Need an honest opinion or perhaps a solution that will not break my heart.
Have been married for over a decade, 2 kids and with a history of verbal and emotional abuse. A few years back I met someone with whom I connected emotionally and physically. I have been having both an emotional and physical affairs with this person, he is also married and has been for over 10 years, he has kids and seems to have a good relationship with his wife. I have asked him several times why is he involved with me, and he claims that because he loves. I, on the other hand, have always had a very rocky and abusive relationship. My husband and I have never connected emotionally or physically, yet I can't break our family, he is a good father,l and a good provider, but as far as providing a satisfaying relationship with me.....he has never been able to provide the moral or emotional support that I need.
So, long story short......after a few years of being in this affair, it is taking a toll on my life, both emotionally and physically.....I don't want to end my affair, yet I think is hurting me. I'm experiencing anxiety attacks, and not sure if I can leave him. Both Him and I have talked about our families and responsabilities, and have agreed that we are not going to break our marriages for the sake of the children (both his kids and mine) until the kids are grown up. I don't want to hurt my kids, or his wife and his kids. Yet, so often I feel as if I'm in an emotional rollercoster.....everytime he has to go away for the weekend or on vacations with his family, I'm left brokenhearted. We can only see each other a few minutes at a time, and we can only talk during the time are away from home working. I want to have a peace of mind, I want him, but I can't have him, and I can't divorced my husband because of all the heartache that I will cause to my children.
Any honest advice is welcome!