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Vice Magazine Schools Us About Ladies


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Self

A run down of what we agreed and disagreed with on their A-Z list.

Vice magazine recently published their A-Z Vice Guide To Girls. Tone aside (which swung between irreverent/funny to just kind of lowbrow) we found a few lady insider gems many, many guys would love to know. And, of course, there were others we couldn't relate to at all. Anyway, here's our analysis below. Women and Porn....NOT!

THE GOOD:

B is for Blahnik, Manolo: The ladies at Vice don't understand the allure of overly expensive shoes, and frankly, neither do we. We barely have enough money for rent as is, and if faced with the decision of groceries for a month or shoes, you best believe we'll eat our Lean Cuisine and book it to Payless. They say:

What’s the big whoop with these things? We’ve never been able to justify spending half our rent on a pair of shoes so we have no idea and guess what? We don’t care.

N is for Nice Tits: Yes, breasts are wonderful. Men love all of them, and we appreciate our own oh, maybe once or twice a lifetime. The ladies at Vice say it best:Body Fat Compatibility Important In Choosing Mate, Says Survey

Everyone loves boobs. Boobs are the best. Except for our own. They’re way too small/big/pointy/droopy/lopsided/whatever. Girls never ever like their boobs. It’s like a curse.

S is for Sassy Magazine: If you're between the ages of 25-35, then you remember the teen angsty, grunge-era brilliance that was Sassy magazine. Jane Pratt began the magazine and it officially stopped running in 1996 (tears!).

If the cassingle of “Betty Boo: Doin’ the Do,” randomly showed up at your house, then you were a subscriber to Sassy magazine! Congratulations! You’ve just been awarded 25 cool points. Add an extra 1,000 if your riot-grrl band was ever featured in the “Cute Band Alert,” and, if you’re a boy, add 10 for being the boy of the month in “Dear Boy.”

THE SAY WHAT?!

G is for G-Spot: The jury's still out on whether or not this hot spot truly exists. And guess what? Most of our friends would agree. In contrast, the ladies at Vice say: Orgasm In A Bottle

If you put your fingers in a lady’s vagina and tap up in a “come here” motion right behind the area that feels kinda spongy, that’s it.

I is for Ice Skating: The Vice writers say Ice Skating is the only Olympic sport women care about because it involves pretty costumes and lots of twirling. You know? We don't even particularly care for Ice Skating—so this is another  "No" on our list.

Ice skating is as girly as it gets. It’s the only Olympic event we really care about. Well, and gymnastics, which is basically ice skating without the ice. Oh, and men’s swimming, which is just sexy.

O is for OMG: Vice says it was us pretty ladies who coined the term and we should give ourselves pride points. No. We don't want to be associated with OMG, LOL, LMFAO or any similar pairing of letters. Thankyouverymuch. And while they acknowledge this, they still make the claim that guys rip us off all the time.

OMG, can you believe that girls invented slang and no one gives us props for it? We know we’re just getting territorial and making it seem like girls invented all plays on words. But we did! We just wanted you to know. It’s not like we don’t want dudes to say stuff like, “OMG, it’s so chilly con carne out tonight!” We do, we just want you to admit that WE invented the way you talk, OK?

 

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