Vice Magazine Schools Us About Ladies
A run down of what we agreed and disagreed with on their A-Z list.
Vice magazine recently published their A-Z Vice Guide To Girls. Tone aside (which swung between irreverent/funny to just kind of lowbrow) we found a few lady insider gems many, many guys would love to know. And, of course, there were others we couldn't relate to at all. Anyway, here's our analysis below. Women and Porn....NOT!
THE GOOD:
B is for Blahnik, Manolo: The ladies at Vice don't understand the allure of overly expensive shoes, and frankly, neither do we. We barely have enough money for rent as is, and if faced with the decision of groceries for a month or shoes, you best believe we'll eat our Lean Cuisine and book it to Payless. They say:
What’s the big whoop with these things? We’ve never been able to justify spending half our rent on a pair of shoes so we have no idea and guess what? We don’t care.
N is for Nice Tits: Yes, breasts are wonderful. Men love all of them, and we appreciate our own oh, maybe once or twice a lifetime. The ladies at Vice say it best:Body Fat Compatibility Important In Choosing Mate, Says Survey
Everyone loves boobs. Boobs are the best. Except for our own. They’re way too small/big/pointy/droopy/lopsided/whatever. Girls never ever like their boobs. It’s like a curse.
S is for Sassy Magazine: If you're between the ages of 25-35, then you remember the teen angsty, grunge-era brilliance that was Sassy magazine. Jane Pratt began the magazine and it officially stopped running in 1996 (tears!).
If the cassingle of “Betty Boo: Doin’ the Do,” randomly showed up at your house, then you were a subscriber to Sassy magazine! Congratulations! You’ve just been awarded 25 cool points. Add an extra 1,000 if your riot-grrl band was ever featured in the “Cute Band Alert,” and, if you’re a boy, add 10 for being the boy of the month in “Dear Boy.”
THE SAY WHAT?!
G is for G-Spot: The jury's still out on whether or not this hot spot truly exists. And guess what? Most of our friends would agree. In contrast, the ladies at Vice say: Orgasm In A Bottle
If you put your fingers in a lady’s vagina and tap up in a “come here” motion right behind the area that feels kinda spongy, that’s it.
I is for Ice Skating: The Vice writers say Ice Skating is the only Olympic sport women care about because it involves pretty costumes and lots of twirling. You know? We don't even particularly care for Ice Skating—so this is another "No" on our list.
Discussion
HAHAHAHAHA!!!
I remember Sassy Magazine and the whole "Dear Boy" bit...some friends in highschool tried to get me to enter it!
Sadly, I know some girls that do embody the parts of the list that Melissa and company disagree with, hence why I call 'em girls. The sister of the worst relationship i was ever in (I feel a blog coming out of this) was totally into $300+ dollar shoes. In a state where traditionally accepted footwear to a back yard bbq is rubber sandals (they're slippers, or, to give it the proper pidgeon, "rubbah slippahs bra") she would wear some carnation colored, felt looking, pair of do-me pumps that cost $600 and that she would constantly hound over when anyone got near them to go into the house so they wouldn't trample on them. Profound use of "OMG" ad nauseum, etc, etc. If memory serves, she was 23, maybe 25. Part of the style over substance crowd.
