SEX: What’s on the Menu Tonight?


SEX: What’s on the Menu Tonight?

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Questions about the lack of sexual desire have been around since the days of Sigmund Freud.  Freud was interested in trying to figure out why women seemed to have a lack of desire and what buttons needed to be pushed in order for her to become aroused.  It is not hard to understand from the Patriarchal society that Freud was immersed in to quickly realizing why it was considered “a women’s problem” back in the day.  In fact, I think that if there were assertive research conducted today in the realm of low sexual desire that we would most likely learn that it is not tied to any one specific gender but affects the entire population.   I think we have been trying for too many years to scientifically explain a way to base it upon some complicated set of biological factors and functioning when maybe all we need is to give it a fresh perspective.


Let’s take a look at the model that pathologizes low sexual desire.  Low sexual desire emerges when one looks at human sexuality from an orgasm based foundation.  In other words, sex has its roots in reproduction where an erection is a necessary component along with orgasm, which at one point the privilege of achieving such belonged solely to the male partner.  Somewhere along the timeline, the female was acknowledged of being capable of having an orgasm, but again only after the male had prescribed exactly when and where it was to take place – that is during intercourse, while the penis was in the vagina.  Of course, women were made to feel inadequate or abnormal if she could not perform to the male’s unrealistic demands and expectations.  Unfortunately, some still believe in this anatomical challenging proposition and believe they must conform or there is something wrong with them that requires a visit to a sex therapist.  Be that as it may, the purpose of this writing is to challenge the old model and put it into a perspective that we all can relate and understand.

The old model that we are all supposed to fit into and become aroused in deals with what I call meat and potatoes sex and this I believe is where the real problem lies.  In fact, I would argue that there is no such thing as low sexual desire or inhibited sexual desire when viewed in this context.  Let me explain what I mean by way of an analogy.

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