Past my prime

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Past my prime

What brought me here to this site? To be honest it was quite by accident. Hmmm, or was it? Maybe it was truely meant to be that I stumbled upon this today. At any rate I'm here and feeling like I've found a place I can find answers, advise, and perhaps a few friends too.
During the last year I've found myself experiencing a new kind of relationship, and I'm not sure where it'll go, if anywhere. You see, I entered into my first interracial relationship and I flobbed it up pretty bad. I'm not sure if I can repair it, or even if I should. 
We met when I was a Supervisor for a trucking company and he was the Service manager for the company doing our truck repairs. We hit it off right away and were soon sleeping together, no serious strings cuz we both have to much financial baggage to carry around. The no strings part is fine with me I've already been married twice and really not looking to do it again. Neither is he, he'd been married twice too.
Things were going along quite well until I got laid-off from work. I had relocated myself in order to take the job almost two years before, away from family and all my friends.  When I got laid off I was devastated literally, I had put alot of effort into my job, took pride in what I'd accomplished and felt like I had just been slapped down hard. I was living pay check to pay check and had no idea how I was gonna pay the next months rent. I was so depressed I couldn't get thru the day without crying. So without word to anyone I packed up and went home. That was eight months ago, during that time he tryed repeatly to call me and left  e-mail after e-mail all of which I never answered.  
  During that time I struggled to pick up the pieces of my self - esteem and hunted endlessly for another job. I finally had to settle for a job driving truck though I had hopes to get out of the drivers seat and into the office end of the profession by now. And to be quite honest he hardly ever crossed my mind, but when he did it was with regrets for how I left.
At any rate... last month I finally started thinking about him in earnest and contacted him. We saw each other and spent a wonderful blissfull day together, but I felt the change profoundly. I understand that and except that attitude from him after how I handled the situation eight months before. 
At this point I'm not even sure where I want it to go really. I'm strongly attracted to him. And he treats me with more respect then any man I've ever been with before. He's always been my biggest supporter and has treated me as he's equal in all things. But those things are so foreign to me, I've never been given them so freely before. So why would I run from a man like that? 
For one we're as different as night and day and I'm not talking the color of our skin. I smoke, he doesn't. He's a neat freak, I'm not so much. He's looks out for his health by eating right, me...I don't. Just to name a few. Though our differences can attract so may they tear us apart. 
    So why worry about all this if there's no serious strings attached you might ask. Cuz I find myself wanting a least a few threads.  Let's face it I'm not getting any younger and at my age I want the comfort of having someone I can turn to. 
    I can't say that I love him, I only know that I miss that relationship we use to have, the friendship with benefits that we use to enjoy.   
  
 

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