I've been with the same guy for 16 years, married for 7. I am so scared to leave and be on my own. I mean really scared. The thought of it creates so much anxiety that I actually stay in a bad relationship. How did I get this way? Why am I so paralyzed? My husband always acts so nice when he realizes that I'm thinking of leaving and that really confuses me and makes me angry. Why can't he just act this way all the time. How hard can it be. It takes everything I have to be strong and forthright when we talk about important issues, like his anger problem. He resembles a batterer in some respects but not completely. In the beginning of our relationship we were both violent. We both quit being violent at the same time. I have not been violent for ten years. My husband, however, has not stopped being violent completely. For instance, he slapped me 2 years ago - said I provoked him, and was sorry he did it. Can I expect him to act like this in the future? Once a batterer, always a batterer? Now, instead of hitting me he throws things like the tv remote, or the cell phone. Should this behavior alone cause me to leave him? I am financially secure on my own. I feel like such a wimp for not having a bottom line. Anyone out there who can relate?
Of course, Shane beating the bejesus out of her wife-beating husband helped. This was a key point in making her stronger and less insufferable than Andrea, who was the living worst and remained the living worst until she was the dead worst.