I hope you find it...

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I hope you find it...

Is it better to have loved and then lost, or to have never loved at
all? Man, have I heard that too many times. If someone actually asked
me that question, I don't think I'd even know how to answer it. Have
you ever been so in love with someone, that it actually hurt? Like it
felt like a hole in your chest? Well, I've felt that. Only now, that
"love" was pretty much ripped away, and now the hole is empty. I
honestly thought I would do anything in the world to get him back,
because I thought I could change him. I tried and tried, for weeks, and
on to months. You can't change a man; he can only change if he wants
to change. I put my heart on the line, told him everything...how I
felt, what I wanted...a million times over...yet it still wasn't
enough. What is enough? What do men really want? Sex?
Money? A trophy wife? Obviously it's not love that they want. I mean,
I'm not perfect, but I would consider myself to be a really good
girlfriend. Why can't they see that? Why can't he see that? I
thought he would be perfect for me. I guess I thought wrong. I loved
everything about him. I tried everything in my power to get over him. I
can't date anyone else right now. I can't even think straight. I don't
want to put this burden upon some unsuspecting individual...it wouldn't
be fair to them. I guess I need to begin recovery. Maybe I'm just being
dramatic. But I really do feel numb. I've only been in love twice.
Maybe I was wrong about the first one, too. Maybe I was wrong about
everything. Maybe I just need to give up. I think that would be my best
bet. I need to wipe all of my memories of him, us. It just sucks when
you think you've finally found what's right, and it ends up being all
wrong. What I felt for him was different. It was strong and real, and
passionate. I can't be friends with him. I cut all ties. It's done. If
I ever see you again, I'll just smile and wave, and keep walking. I
hope you find what you're looking for, and I'm sorry you didn't find it
in me.

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