Clooney’s New Girlfriend Moves In

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Clooney’s New Girlfriend Moves In
Waitresses across the nation weep bitter tears.

Attention sad spinsters: There is a new luckiest woman alive. According to some extremely disreputable sources, George Clooney has asked his new ladyfriend to move into his Los Angeles home. The latest lottery winner is 23-year-old Miami resident Lucy Wolvert, whom George met when he was filming Jason Reitman's Up in the Air.

Anonymous sources report that "Lucy is totally smitten with George and he's drawn to her in a passionate way. Besides being an amazing lover, Lucy says George is a true gentleman who really knows how to treat a lady." We assume the grammatically challenged source means that George is the amazing lover in the equation, and that his or her definition of "how to treat a lady" involves several excellent weekends at Lake Como followed by abrupt severing of contact. But we'll give Lucy the benefit of the doubt that she's quite splendid in bed as well. Bridging The Gap Between Casual Sex And Commitment

Sources speaking to the U.K.'s Daily Mail say that loose lips may sink the SS Wolvert, however, as her friends have been blabbing to the tabloids about the relationship. But it doesn’t take a genius to realize this relationship might not have TWU WUV 4-EVA written all over it. You know George doesn't want to lose that bet with Michelle Pfeiffer.

And lest we forget, Clooney's date to the 2008 Oscars was former cocktail waitress and upholstery-wearing enthusiast Sarah Larson, whom he met in Las Vegas while doing his Danny Ocean impression. The two split about a year ago. Clooney, who has made it his life's work to change the euphemism "confirmed bachelor" to mean "rakish, debonair man-about-town" rather than "secretly gay," was married to Mad Men's Talia Balsam from 1989 to 1993 and has been quite vocal since then about his lack of desire to marry again.

Via Huffington Post. Photo courtesy of Splash News.

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