6 months single?

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6 months single?

i was in a relationship for almost a year, we broke up 2 days before x-mas eve...sounds like it sucks, and it did...i knew this guy from hs, and we were great friends, but apparently, being in a relationship was not the answer...he didn't listen to me, or care abt my feelings or how his family treated me, and i started to make excuses for a person that i didn't know why i was making excuses for..i turned my life inside out, for this person who didn't do the same for me, but expected me to do it all day long...it was hard enough getting my sexy back after having my son, and getting out of a rocky relationship, and i guess i was finding shelter within someone who i wanted it to work with, but didn't have a proper foundation to hold it...mind you, i'm only 20, but i've experienced more in my life, especially with relationships that i thought i had it all figured out, and found out, this was the ultimate test...moving in with this person, and it failing miserably...so i've ben single since then, dating here and there, mostly hangin out with friends and trying to meet up with ppl who i've met when i was attached, but couldn't hang with...finding that all those were failures, i started looking at and within myself...found a "BF", but that failed again when it went ENTIRELY too fast...we just, idk..it hurt, b.c i only do long-term relationships, and that mini crash and burn hurt my ego, and made me look at myself with a harsher eye...i feel like i don't need anyone, for once, but i stil want someone for all the physical...but i don't want the title of hookup buddy...i'm within my own tornado, that i've created by alwys tellin my friends for years to find your own self and not be with a man, and i never listened...now i'm in the same predicament, and i don't know how to get out, b/c i never learned how to stand on my own...i'm looking at dating show after dating show, website anfter site, just trying to see if my own mistakes match up with these women and if i can somehow combat all these troubles and find a peace within my self that makes me love myself completely, without a shadow of a doubt and allow me to be in the relationship that i plan, dream, and hope for...i'm an extremely great gf, i have bad tendencies, i have cheated on every bf in the past, but alwys for some reason or another, and it was only found out once. i was burned by my first love, and i've ben trying ever since to undo all the hurt, and trouble and pain and all the consequence that comes with being a woman scorned...i learned the hard way abt too much, and nothing at all..i'm on my own personal quest and journey to stand on my own two feet without the help of a man...i am ready to love, but i'm not ready to be in love b/c i kno that i will hurt myself...giving my freedom and my all hurts me, b.ci lose myself trying to prove i am everything that  they need...but i'm in this alone and in a war with myself...

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